Sunday, October 6, 2013

Unceremonious harmony

I had always been accused of talking too much. Of being too expressive. Why then did I have countless unsent letters and emails ?  Guess I was just not expressive enough to the right people. Or maybe with the right words. Or probably my expressiveness is what drove them away in the first place.

I am very selfish when it comes to sharing. Especially myself. I know that love leads to pain, so I try to steer clear of that path. Unfortunately, even he believed that too. 
Guess it was simply a cursed union from the beginning itself. 

After all, when 2 selfish hearts decide to try and create a rhythm, it's just a matter of time before the tune falters and the loneliness creeps back in.

To him these were just words, but to me they had become companions - the hurt, the pain, those terrible sleepless nights, the frustration, the sorrow, the longing, the emptiness, the sense of failure.

As easy as it was for him to walk out so unceremoniously from my life, I had no clue how I was supposed to stop loving him. One fine day. 

True, he had never promised me anything. He hadn't cared a damn about me. But love was no bargain or a deal. And so for a long long time, I still continued to love him...even long after he stopped.

I realized how scared I was of loving. Again.

I should have never stopped being selfish. 
Even with him.

Especially with him.

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