Saturday, August 24, 2013

A little piece of her heart

She had waited for this day to come. The day she knew that her existence as a woman would make her proud. She couldn't have been more excited. Like a little girl who's joy knows no bounds, she floated around in her little bubble of happiness.

Today as she sat in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for her turn to be called in, she was still contemplating if she was ready to be surprised after 4 months or in the next 4 minutes. As the new mother-to-be, she still had her doubts. After all, she knew she would love her baby the same even if it's a daughter or a son.

She heard the tiny heart beating away. She saw the little hands and feet try to kick and make space in the little world. The tiny mouth opening and closing.

The doctor expertly moved the apparatus so that she could see every tiny movement of her baby in the screen. And when she could no longer contain it, she let her curiosity get the better of her.

"Congratulations. It's a baby girl !" - The doctor replied back.

Back home, she stood to have a look at her baby bump. The little piece in her which protected her beautiful unborn little daughter. She knew the little one was safe in there, with no one but just her to touch and talk to.

And then she remembered what growing up felt like.

The countless times when she has been touched, groped and felt by random strangers on the road, in the bus, the multiplex. The tons of times she had refused to attend a family function or a friend's wedding, because she was petrified of that one disgusting uncle who was sure to make his presence in the function or the one brother of her friend who was going to make her feel vulnerable.

She remembered the facade of faces of the many ruthless men who felt not the slightest bit of shame in quoting obscene comments on her face or the random biker guy who felt it to be his right to violate a girl by touching her as he zipped past.

She remembered spending hours in her bath trying to scrub away the filth inflicted by such men in our society. The soapy water only helped in cleansing her physical body. Her mind was tarnished for a men who despite having a mother, sister or wife still felt the urge to make another girl feel like dirt.

She remembered reading the million articles in the newspapers or seeing the countless discussions in our channels highlighting rape victims and their agony. These events only reminded her that all those men from her childhood days are not only still out there, but they have grown in number too.

She thought she was past all this when she learnt to react back to such people, when she started voicing her anger towards them and retorted to their abuses in the same language they used. She felt safe in knowing that she can react back.

But today was different. Here she was today, giving those misfortunes of god, one more victim to harass, to torture and to feel like dirt all over again...her beautiful unborn baby girl.

The little baby is still yet to see the light of the day in this world and her mother is already feeling helpless.. helpless for the little piece of her heart which she was going to be bringing out in this world in the hope that she can save her and protect her.

For the first time in the last 5 months, her bubble of joy burst and she cried inconsolably....