Directed Protection

 "If you get what you want, that's God's direction. If you do not get what you want, that's God's protection."

Life around me is going as usual. Every other day. And I participate in it. Because I don't know any other way to live. But the storm inside me rages every day. I am worried that one day it will be beyond my control. Until then, life will go on as usual. Birthday parties, festivals, friends and families, school, movies, work, celebrations, schedules, routines.

 I hope I don't break today. I hope I live to see tomorrow. 

I hope others live to see tomorrows and dayafters.

 I pray. More than I have ever prayed. 

Pray that this makes sense. If not to me, at least to the ones who are in it. This senselessness.