No bindi...no Hindu...

It has indeed been a very long time since i penned something here..or rather blogged here.But then,what with a very non cooperative laptop (we simply cant seem to agree on our common working hours) and a matching lazy attitude to go with it..lets just say i cudnt make it to my blogspot page.However, it dosent mean there is a shortage of topics to blog about..there is plenty happening around which will be updated shortly..but as of now..my inspiration for this renewal of my online time is one particular incident which happened 2 days ago. And for most of you who know me...my reasons for blogging are either frustration,boredom or anger. Well this time, the category is the third..pure plain boiling mad rage..and you ask me why? well here goes why.....

A friend of mine.. after being tired of staying in a dingy hostel room with three other roommates finally decides she wants her own personal space and decided to venture out on a hunt to find herself a single room/studio apartment. Since i was well aware of the hardships in this 'treasure' hunt [I had gone through the same when i was trying to relocate after nichu moved to London :(, believe me..its horrible..especially for an unmarried working girl !! i finally settled down for a hostel for college girls !], i tried my best to persuade her to give up this fruitless activity. The end result of such house hunts are always some lucky autodrivers..who make a fortune after the numrous trips to different ends of the town.

Well..all that said and done.. and she with her persistant behaviour, hunts down probable houses. Last friday, i get a call from her saying that she has found a house with a single room available..but unfortunately..as she would be late in leaving office on that day, she wanted me to go and check it out. Reluctant as i was, i finally heeded and went off to inspect this so called house straight after work.

Its a quiet lane with houses which are attached to each other and with all weird shaped gates and with 'waves'[Kolam] on the roads. I stop in front of the house with the number mentioned in her sms to me.A small girl, around 8 to 9 years of age is sitting on the steps and trying to weave something out of the few flowers and leaves strewn around her.I stop short of the gate and i ask in plain pure english

'Is this Mr.Brihaspati's house?' [From my experience in banglore,Kids learn to speak very good english at a very young age!]
She stares at me. I hastily think i am mistaken and i rephrase my question in what i assume is proper kannda.
'Brihaspati mane ya ithu?'

She is on the verge of bursting into tears and while i look around frantically..she lets out a heart wrenching yelp which sounds something like 'apppaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' and runs into the dark interiors of the house.
As i stand wondering what next, out comes a middle aged man in his white dhoti and a white baniyan and asks a very brisk 'What?'.
I move forward in an attempt to open the gates and tell him about my arrival here, when he abruptly moves forwards laying a protective hand on the latch of the gates.I look up at him and tell him that i happened to hear about a vacancy of a single room in the first floor and that i am here to see the place.

If looks could kill, i am sure i would have been burnt to ashes by the piercing glare he was giving. He was staring at me and i could feel his stares burn the centre of my forehead. While i am trying to comprehend the situation, he shouts out
'No muslims..only hindus...go go...shoo shoo'.
And i turn and look around half expecting to see a cow or some other four legged animal probably wearing something which resembles the 'burkha' worn by muslims.
I was pretty sure he is shooing some animal away..
and he still continues his shooing gestures repeating 'no muslims no muslims'.

It took me a while to realise that it was me he was shooing away....and by then it was too late..the wooden door had already been slam shut on my face and the figure which rudely shooed me away was safely protected behind it.
I stand bewilderd and shocked not realising what struck me.
And then it hit me..the constant glare at my forehead and his assumption that i was a muslim... i had no Bindi on my forehead.
Yes,I dont keep bindi's. If you ask me it's a big effort. For starters,it dint take me long to realise that my skin is allergic to whatever the glue that is used to stick the colorful paper onto my forehead.So i tried my hand at the liquid paint stuff. And this became an even more nightmarish experiment,because by mid day my face would look like some amteur artist tried making a art work which went haywire.The paint would have been smeared all over my face and i would end up looking more ridiculous than ever..so my stints with bindi's are very limited and done only on days when i know i can afford to be very very careful with the little colored paint on my forehead.

But i never realised that the absence of that one small dot could make a difference in getting a roof above my head or being shooed away like a wild animal!

Why? why does appearances and accesories have to make a person?
I wear toe rings and i love wearing them because i think they are cool and look nice..and umpteen times i have been asked where my husband is or which company he works for? Initially it never struck me why i was being posed with such questions? I simply presumed probably they are just taking a wild guess from my age..but its only later i realised that it was the one small ring on my toe which made all the difference. And from that day i resolved never to have it removed !!
I know plenty of married women who dont wear a toe ring or sindoor.. they are never asked questions..so why ask questions when its worn? If the absence dosent matter...then why should its presence matter????
Why does accesories make a religion? Isnt religion a person's comfort and not something which is imposed?

I repeat..i am not religious...i am just spiritual [copyright - shiff].
As long as its god you are calling,what difference does anything else make?
Sorry folks..no offence here.This incident has deeply shaken me up and hurt would be an understatement.

Sadly, as i stay dumbstruck in the lane and give one last look at the door which was rudely slammed onto my face, i see the small face of the girl peeping out through a window by the side and i think....

There's the person who will be slamming the door shut on my children's face too..............it never ends..its just passed on from one generation to the next......

And he still runs for the kite.................

well..this one's actually a continuation to one of my older posts 'Princess'.If you have already read that,you would be well aware of my obsession with regard to the topic on the followers of prophet mohammed.
'Princess' was the second book which managed to stir the tear glands in me.The first being 'A thousand splendid suns'.Like i always claimed,this Khalid Hosseini book has a very special place in my heart. Despite having the book in my ownership for over 2 months,i refrained from reading it till the minute i landed at the airport for my first journey to the Arab land.Then i plunged headlong into it and reading it while actually sitting amidst sweet scent of 'athar' and aabha clad women gave a very special meaning to the book.
And now a new addition to this list - The kite runner.
There are very few books which i have started and not finished, one being fountainhead, another - Godfather (unfortunately i saw the movie first and cudnt make myself read through the entire book !) and the third - the kite runner. Though the reason for this being entirely different. At the point where Amir meets Rahim in pakistan to talk about the bygone years,my eyes always welled up and i dint want to know what came of Hassan. Twice i tried and both times, i stopped reading at this point.
Yesterday evening after a very heated argument with Aks on my obsession in this regard, i was fully determined and sat down with the book at 10 PM. The same words, the same pomegranate tree..everything in the book was the same untill i got to their reunion. And i dint stop, despite the choking sensation ..i dint stop till i came to the last statement in the book, five minutes ago.
As every other book in this genre, this one has also taken away a part of me. A part of me which i had been obsessed with for as long as i can remember.
I am not religious, i am just spiritual.And such books always leave me lost.I fail to see the purpose,the message or maybe it's just that i dont want to see the purpose or the message. All i feel is a choking sensation draining the air out of me.
With each word i read in the book, my life's biggest dream just keeps making its purpose more and more clear to me. For those of you who know about it,No - its not the beauty or mystery which bades me for it.. but it's the lack of all these.

For you,a thousand times over................................

Ps: In a totally disoriented state of mind and yes, long weekends can be a drag if not spent at home ! :(

Star light.....Star bright.......

Star light,Star bright
The first star i see tonight
I wish i may
i wish i might
have the wish i make tonight







For almost 12 years of my life, i grew up chanting this every evening when i gazed at the sky and saw the first bright evening star. And for certain, i believed that the stars above granted me my wish each time.

Many years later, when i happened to leave late from office yesterday and while taking the regular path to the late shuttles parked near the gate, i happened to have a glance at the sky and seeing my good old friend twinkling in the night sky, i felt such a tug of nostalgia in my heart that even before i could stop myself, i was repeating the familiar old 'rhyme' and for the first time in many years, i was actually wishing that the stars would grant me my wish one last time.

Standing mesmerised in the middle of my office pathway is definitely not my idea of being nostalgic.

There was a time in my childhood when i used to run to the terrace of our high rise apartment complex, at exactly 6:30 in the evening and wait till the first star comes out,to shout out my wish. This was a routine every day for a very long time in my life.Gradually,with growing out of my childhood, i realised that i have even grown out of most things which made me happy.

The simple joy i got from seeing the night sky, the twinkling stars or the rain or the feel of the wind in my face, all these became memories of a distant past.Till yesterday evening, i had actually forgotten when was the last time that i gazed at the night sky and admired the full glowing glory!

But despite all the wisdom endowed on me by the increasing number of candles on my birthday cake, i still felt a great sense of happiness after standing for a minute and talking to the stars one more time..................for the wish i make tonight.......................

This one's for you Ryan

Like someone rightly said, the best things in the world comes in the smallest package and right now i just cannot agree more.

A pair of tiny curled up fists, two tiny slits in the face from which looked out the most innocent pair of eyes, a near bald head with few tufts of fur [not hair really!!] staying tangled up here and there, tiny feet kicking the air around and the most wonderful part - the aroma of a new born, these are what welcomed me as i walked into the hospital room to see you for the first time.

I am not intending this to be a bollywood style filmi masala post, but maybe years later when you do drop by to read your aunt's blog, do remember to stop at this post and know that she still feels the same love for you as she did when she was composing this post for you!

Babies are always special. I have always wondered seeing mine and my brother's baby photos 'Now..how in the world did something so small and cute like that grow up to be something like this !!' Let's see how better you are going to fare ryan ! :) But for the time being i just remember you as two day old baby covered up in a blue towel and making cute lil gurgling noises in your crib.

Nope, you are definitely not the first baby i am holding, not the first baby to hurl your curled up fists at me. There have been plenty of wonderful cute babies around, but you came when i was at a age to realise that a baby is just not another source of entertainment in the house, but infact a new realm of life which can transform the life of the parents and the entire household, a responsibilty so big and new, a creation solely belonging to the parents and no one else! For the first time in my life, i was looking at a new life with a much more deeper sense of understanding. Well...if you are confused, let me just put it simpler..your aunt just admitted she is getting mature!

Anyways, i know i looked into your eyes and told you that i do really love you.. and you returned my love with a huge yawn [I must say..for a 2 day old..you definitely gave a huge yawn!]. I spent hours sitting by your side and watching you sleep.You definitely dreamt a lot those days!After a while i lost count of the number of times you smiled, frowned, whimpered and pouted in your sleep.Though for the life of me, i still can't imagine what a 2 day old baby has so much to dream about !! In all our lives together ,i am sure to have pestered you to tell me about those dreams if you do still remember them..and i reiterate the same statements here - do post it as your comments in here !

I really loved hearing you bawl, which was very seldom, since you were a pretty well behaved baby and preferred sleeping away the entire time [way to go boy!..now that definitely shows we are the same blood!!] But the few times that you did cry, i have stopped rhea and your dad from consoling you immediately.. atleast not until i knew that your cries are still resounding in my head.

Everytime i held you in my arms, i could feel your heart fluttering away through the towels wrapped around you and i have always whispered in your ears that i promise to be careful with you in my arms.I realised i have never held something so pure ever before.

The aroma of your powder soaked towels and the baby oil and your baby smell, those were what i call the 'scent of life'.If your mom ever looked around for your one day old baby socks, actually just a sock, tell her its still safely tucked away in my bag :) !

I dont know what it is that your tiny feet or fists or your little eyes did, but you definitely bought a new meaning to life for me, with just your presence.

Your addition to my life has made me open my eyes to the reality around me and realise that life does move on...................

I love you, my lil ryan baby.........

Just a lil thought...from the bottom of my heart....

As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me,changing us -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much you meant to me..how much i love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friends, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.
For a day which really means nothing... but nevertheless.... just for the heck of it....Happy friendship day !!!

The end of an era.. ..

All good things must come to an end..
And everything just did ........
So abruptly..but so definitely......
A toast to the best days of my life.......

And to the two most important people who have been part of it..

Oops sorry..three..i can't forget Hobbes !! :)

And no..four... no five... well...

A toast to the ones still a part of it ..............

Well,wise choice....

A toast to everyone ...!!

Way back into love

Song for the day...
From a very cute movie 'Music and Lyrics'. Hugh Grant is adorable ;)..i simply love his accent !



I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,

And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

A little bit of humor here and there.....

......to make my day.... !
Been a while since i made myself type out something. Today, during my journey to office, i happened to come across a signboard on a traffic out-post.It really caught my attention (topic No:5 below ).That's when i started iterating through all the signboards i have read and which have bought a smile to my face.Thought of sharing it here.So here goes......
The first line quotes the funny text in the boards and the second line...
well..those are what went through my mind when i read the sign boards !!

1.On a board outside a house in my lane,it reads "No parking for public".
Oh,Sorry.I dont park for public..but can i park for myself? :)

2.On a drycleaner's board:"Dying will be done here".
Will u take care of living too :P

3.Again,on a board outside a house:"Dont even think of parking here".
Righto ! Am parking without thinking :)

PS: Somehow,most funny boards are always related to traffic and vehicles.. have you noticed that?

4.On a traffic sign-post:"Left turn not free".
Duhh...ok.Will call after sometime..whenever the left turn is free :)

5.A traffic sign board again :"Dont drink and driver".
Driver what? were u intending something here ..:)

6.On a board at a junction:"Acci-dents done here."
Do u also un-dent any dents done here ..just wondering..

7.Outside a hotel:"Plan tea available here!"
Great.. so when are you going to declare your unplanned tea ;)

8.Outside a corner house shop under renovation:"Corner house moved [around the corner]."
Now..was it resting on just one corner or did it just get tired of being in one corner of the corner.???..

9.Outside a studio:"I shoot babies. please call [number] for appointment.Shooting brides also done here".
Someone call the cops.... Freak !!!

10.Now for a very generic one.
"No trespassing.Violators will be shot.Survivors will be shot again."
This one really beats them all !!! I should be shot if i dint laugh after reading this one :) !

I am sure there's more to add to this..but right now this is all that i can remember.. !
More additions welcome..Anything to bring about a smile...
Like they say...
A smile is the only curve which can set everything straight !!!

cheers,
deeps

A little pie from the bottom of my heart...

A lullaby i have always loved. The one song which has inspired me to learn guitar so that i can sing it to my little ones in perfect tune :). Right now practising this song, to sing for my lil nephew !!
[&Shiff - To Arnon too !]

Dedicating this song to all the cute lil babies around and to all expecting moms as well !

Here is the lyrics for you to Sing-along. Enjoy

When the world is gray and bleak
Baby don't you cry
I will give you every bit of love that's in my heart

I will bake it up into a simple little pie…

Baby don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle
Baby don't be blue
Gonna make for you
Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle.
Gonna be a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with strawberry love
Baby don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
And hold you forever in the middle of my heart.

Baby here's the sun
Baby here's the sky
Baby I'm your light and I'm your shelter
Baby you are mine
I could freeze the time
Keep you in my kitchen with me forever
Gonna be a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with strawberry love
Baby don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
And hold you forever in the middle of my heart.

Gonna bake a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with butterscotch love
Gonna bake a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with banana creme love

Baby don't you cry
Gonna bake a pie
Hold you forever
Hold you forever
And hold you forever in the middle of my heart.

My Furry First-Born !

Intrigued by the title? Exactly my intentions when phrasing it like that.I am dedicating this post to one naughty little brat of a pup whom i cherish,as my first born.And indeed,he is one big ball of fur.So,i guess the title coudnt be more apt!

Being a dog person [yeah! lately,i even tell my friends to 'SIT' and 'STAY'!An effect of being around my pup so often],i have always dreamt of having a never-extinguishing-energy-ball-of-fur of my own[in case you are wondering,yes i was hinting at having dogs].But, with the frequent shifting between houses and my father's constant refusal to have anything living,with more than 2 legs in the house,i never got a chance to realise my dream of owning a four legged friend.After my persistant nagging,he reluctantly told me that as long as i am living with them under the same roof, i am not allowed to have any dogs around, but when i get to move out, then i am free to live life with my rules.I guess, by this complex statement, he must have meant a very different context, but since i was not very keen on getting the loopholes in that statement clarified, i just picked up the very obvious meaning and finally when i did move in to a seperate house in Bangalore, the very first thing i did was to hunt around for a mutt! Thankfully, Nichu also turned out to be as much a dog lover as i am.So by the end of the first month in Bangalore, we had both decided to get a four legged friend home. I had always wanted a sand colored labrador.But after many consistant refusals from Nichu as to why we shouldn't be getting a big dog home, i finally agreed to settle for any smaller breed [as long as its not a pomeranian..i just cant stand the shrill barks!].

Much googling later,we decided on a cocker spaniel, that too a chocolate brown coloured one. And i never mentioned a word of this to my parents [:)],decided to spare them from the shock untill i got the pet home.So finally on the D-day, February 17'th 2008 [this was a V-day gift me and nichu were gifting ourselves!], we head off to a pet shop and believe me...i never thought i would see heaven before i die, but i am sure that i was stepping into heaven when i first set foot in that pet shop [though yes, a very bad smelling heaven or probably heaven when it has run out of air fresheners!].The place was full of puppies, all breeds and colors and sizes and with their tiny whining voices and crawling all over the place, they were the most adorable pups in this whole world.The first thing to catch my eyes was a sand coloured flat ball on the floor trying to crawl.It was love at first sight! The tiny ball looked up with the most innocent round eyes and when i bent down to pick him up, he gave the tiniest whine at being disturbed from his comfortable position and snuggled back to sleep in my arms.I knew at that moment, that this was the Lab i had waited all my life for! [My parents were hoping that i would be saying this statement referring a human and they kinda totally gave up on me when they realised i was talking about a puppy!].

Very gleefully,with a mission accomplished look i turn towards nichu and aks.Both of them have this 'will-kill-you' look on their faces and at that precise moment,out walks the owner with a dark chocolaty ball of fur in his hands.I was still standing in the corner with the lab in my arms while the other 2 were examining the spaniel puppy and trying to get him to attempt to crawl.Very reluctantly, i was made to hand back the lab pup and i went over to check on the lazy puppy who went off to sleep the minute he had been put down to crawl!

Yeah,lazy! That's how he had looked to me. The small fellah hardly opened his eyes. All he did was keep flopping around and go to sleep. He wasn’t even whining.I give one look at Nichu.I can see that she has decided this is the pup. I hesistatingly kept saying 'He isnt whining, he looks droopy, he looks doped'. All my persistant remarks went unheeded by the two of them.Finally, giving one last heartbreaking look at the still whining lab pup, we walk out from the pet shop, the brown furry ball still sleeping away in my arms!

By the end of the auto journey back home, i must say, the warm furry little thing had managed to creep his way into my heart and the lab puppy was just a faint reminder.

For the next few days,it was a confused frenzy of two new "mom's" trying very desperately to take care of a one month old baby (that's how old he was when we got him home).There was cerelac and milk and biscuits and water strewn all over the place. The puny little fellah managed to creep under every possible nook and corner in the house.Getting him to eat,in the initial days,was a task by itself.We had made the mistake of keeping cerelac mixed in a huge bowl (compared to his size) and we have nearly had to pry him away from the edge of the bowl before he himself fell headlong into the 'cerelac pond'!

The first one month saw me walking around cribbing -the puppy isnt active,the puppy isnt running around,he isnt barking, he isnt whining,he still looked doped and he dint have a tail !!! And oh yes,we named him Hobbes [From Calvin and Hobbes fame! Was hoping that the influence of the name would instill the naughtiness in him and make him active].

And oh lord !! Was i mistaken or what!By the end of second month, what had been a sleepy little doped thing turned out be a 'Vociferous Carnivore' [As Sounak refers to Hobbes!].The transition from a harmless pup to a running-barking-demanding monster was almost instantaneous.

a.What had been a quiet house earlier, now sounded like a raging mad house!
b.His favourite timepass was to scrape off the paint from the wall. So the living room in our house looked like a miniature bull dozer had tried demolishing it off!
c.There is no count to the number of sandals we have sacrificed for his teething days!
d.Every evening, i walked in home, to either see the entire house covered up in shreds and shreds of newspaper and a tiny little brown pup hiding somewhere in the midst of the mess, giving me his most innocent look. Or he would have pulled off every possible thing from the kitchen counter and sitting on top of the water can. One day, he had even dragged the entire garbage bag all over the house and had the house stink like a corporation dump!
e.Barking incessantly, he believed was his birth right!
f.What was termed as 'Taking Hobbes for a walk' turned out to be 'Hobbes taking us for a run'!
g.The families in our lane are so very used to seeing either of us running in the lane screaming out 'Hobbie' at the top of our voices.This is on days, he decides to go off on a run on his own!Some people even pitch in to chase him down shouting out anything which remotely sounds like 'Hobbie'.So most evenings and weekends, see people running around in the lane shouting 'Bobby, Bhaabhi, Habbie' and what not!

He turned out be the world's most naughtiest dog and the most unruly one too! But the little gestures of unconditional love from the puppy heart is enough to melt our hearts and to put up with all his nonsensical deeds! Waking up in mornings and feeling a cold wet nose rubbing against your feet, or getting back from office and seeing an excited puppy prancing all around the house and barking in his doggy language to welcome you home, these are what i call the little joys of life!

Watching the movie 'Marley and me' was like living our life ! We are the proud owners of a dog who has humbled every dog trainer and who still manages to be the same unmanagable irritable mutt...my furry first born !
PS: The photo is of Hobbes taken on day 2 at our house!