'So why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.' - Meredith Grey
That line pretty much summarizes the turn of events in my life over the past few months. But not anymore. And here's why.
1. I stopped using social networking sites because I couldn't stand getting one more message congratulating me for getting out of my marriage/expressing happiness at not being associated with XYZ family/ telling me how brave I am to have taken the big step that I did/ or on how life on the other side of a divorce is not easy.
Thanks but no thanks. When I stop responding to your very genuine and carefully worded messages, it's not that I don't appreciate your concern for me or that I am rejecting you. It's simply because I want to protect myself ! How difficult is it to understand that? No, seriously.
As much pleasure as you get in lashing out about my ex in-laws or ex-husband, they are 'ex' in my life for a reason. One of the most critical in that being the fact that I do not want them in my present or future. So talking over and over about them or listening to scores of people talking over and over about them does not serve justice to the beautifully worded judgement copy I got from the Kerala court. I am very certain it said that I am now free to live my life with no association whatsoever to any of the above mentioned parties. Sadly the society seems to have decided otherwise.
I am loving the sunshine. I am loving the greenery around me. I love seeing the smiling faces. I love conversing with total strangers to whom I am just Deepthi and not 'Deepthi the Divorcee'. And heck, if I decide to indulge in the occasional harmless flirting, I do not want to see your judgmental look. I have earned my right to it. I am loving my new life. Feel free to judge me all you want, just don't tell it to me !I digress.
And why am I saying this in my blog here? Because mostly it is cathartic and moreover, I would have loved to reply individually to all my well wishers, but that wouldn't make me sound any less arrogant/air-headed/sarcastic/heartless. I figured it's easier to just get the message out here.
So next time, you want to make yourself heard/appreciated in my life, do me a favor. Talk to me about that great movie you just saw, about that heart breaking book you just read, the beautiful dress you just purchased, call me out for buying shoes or desserts or maybe even just share a cup of coffee with me !
I am in love with the sound of my laughter and I would so love to get you to fall in love with it too ..if only you would give me a chance !