It rained in my heart

Yet another day 

And more lies.

I believe you

And you are all smiles.

A fool in love

I am not.

Trust in love

is what I was taught.

You are happy

you fooled me again.

Just to keep you happy

I act the fool again.

Twelve minutes to Twelve

I am always in hurry. Today was no different either. Leaving for work on time in the mornings can be a huge challenge for me. And invariably it still means I end up at least 10 minutes late too. But today was destined to be different and I had no idea about that when I woke up.Oh! except maybe for the date 12.12.12, the last one of its kind in this century!

As was routine, while rushing out of the apartment, the lighted oil lamp is always the last thing which usually catches my attention and I end up running all the way back in just to put it out and then rush out again.

Well, if superstitions are to be believed, getting back in after leaving your house in the morning is considered to bring ill luck, which would mean that I am knowingly bringing in ill luck everyday. But I don't believe in that and so far I have had nothing to complain about how my days have ever been.

Like I said, today was no different. The door was just about to be shut and that's when I noticed the slight yellow glow still blinking in the otherwise dark room and I curse myself for forgetting it again and run back in. As was habit, I try to put it out with a swift flick of my palm.

Usually, one swift flick and its done. I don't bother to give a second look.I mumble a small apology to the entire bulk of gods seated there and run out grabbing my heavy bag. Today, however, the one swift flick resounded in a loud thud metallic sound and the next thing I know, I have a half broken lamp lying near my feet with the hot oil spilled in a random fashion on the floor below, the carpet and the wall next to it. The lamp has been put out, but this was not how I had intended it to.

My heart skipped a beat and something in my head kept on  saying 'this has to definitely mean something bad'. I was still late and I run out to get into my car. All the while on my drive to work, I expected to be run down by someone or something ! Reached work safe and sound.

So I guess the bad luck wasn't on me after all.  But I still had to be sure. I called up every single person in every corner of the world who held a place in my heart. For every missed call, my heart skipped a beat again. But when the text sound beeped in my mobile, I breathed in relief again. So that was not it either.

I checked my emails every half hour to make sure I was still employed. That was going good too.

I never usually disturb him while we are at work, but today I just had to make sure. So I kept calling him way too often and he was very patient about it too.

Finally when I did reach back home, I looked over and promised them a new lamp very soon and told them not to try any more new tricks this time ! I was pretty sure they got the idea. Relieved I hit the sack and slept like a baby.

The pang of hunger woke me up around 11:30 PM and I wake up not too happy that there's still half an hour left to go of this bad luck day. But I console myself. After-all what could possibly go wrong in just half an hour.

After fixing myself a nice quick dinner, I come to turn on my laptop.

1 unread email. From him. I wonder why he emails. Usually it's a call or a text. I open it.

Hi,

I hope you are not too surprised by this email. But I just dint have the courage to tell this to you on call. Hence the email. 

Well, the big news is I am getting married and yes, its not to you. I am sorry, but you know how it is. Family,age ,religion and social circle. I wish I had a better answer for you. She is very nice too. Dint get to spend too much time with her yet, but I have an entire lifetime to do that now. 

You are great too, but its just not us. I hope you understand.Thanks for everything.

Love,
X

And I look at the time, 12 minutes to 12 on 12/12/12, the last one of it's kind in this century.

So this day was special and superstitions are true too...

Ex bashing

So now that the cat’s out of the bag, I have come to realize how curiosity indeed kills the cat. I lose count of the number of people who have approached me just to ask me what went wrong. And in most of them, I see the sadistic pleasure of hoping to hear the worst. So I purposefully avoid any explanations and keep the story to the bare minimum. Seeing their face fall flat down is my version of self-sadistic feeling.

And of all the zillion questions that have been thrown at me, the most obvious one is ofcourse as why there is no ‘ex-bashing’ in my blog. Why am I not playing any blame game and hurling abuses? Why this diplomacy?

 And today I break my silence on it. Here’s my answer to it.

There is no ex-bashing in any of my writings, because no matter what the current situation is, at one point of time in my life, this was the person I had chosen to spend the rest of my life with, to grow old with and to have a family with. And this decision was something I had taken when my mind was wide awake and not forced into. Clearly we had seen something then. A dream we hoped to turn into reality. How many times have we woken up from a dream and wished we hadn’t dreamt it? How many times have we tried to relive the same dreams in our minds in the hope that someday it might turn true?

Just because some dreams turned sour, it doesn’t make either one of us a bad person.

Life is all about realizing when to turn back, when to move on and when to just stop making excuses.

And thus one such day, I decided to stop making excuses, face the truth and live it up.

So next time you come probing with more questions in regard to my personal life, this link is where you will be auto redirected to. This is all that you need to know. After all…..it’s my life.