Sleepless in Dublin !

On a normal weekday, I struggle to wake up in time to even make it to my bus at 8:15AM for work. Come weekend and I am wide awake by freaking 5:30AM! Totally bugged with this unfortunate turn of events and since I have nothing better to do so early in the morning, I have decided to vent this out in my blog.

Oh dear lord, its going to be one long long saturday and just when I thought I could atleast sleep the day off!

I guess my post title should be 'Sleep less' on weekdays and 'Sleepless' on weekends ! Wish there was some gadget in blogspot where I can set this to change based on the day !

Moving on, that's another fact I am loving about this place. Its so much fun to just stay huddled in the blanket. The weather is always so cold ! Every morning, waking up is like taking a dip into an icy cold frozen pond. I test the air around by just keeping a toe outside the blanket to see how cold it really is and then gradually let myself out of the cozy comforts of the warm duvet and make a dash to get dressed for work !

In my every day phone conversations with my mom, she tells me how very hot it is back in India.. I never have the heart to tell her I am literally freezing away here. This is probably the first May in my entire lifetime that I am spending huddled up and in a sweater literally the entire day. Had I been back home like every other May's in the past, I would be walking around with a big bottle of frozen water, trying to find some spot where the breeze is just mildly hot and praying for ways to keep the sun away atleast for an hour. Now I realize how unrelenting the summers in India really are. The blazing sun, the tiring heat, the hot hot hot winds and to top it all, no water and electricity supply !

My last few summers in Bangalore were terrible. Invariably we were always out of water every 3 months in the peak of summer. Waiting for those big tankers with their water supply was like a torture. Those truck drivers assumed the role of rain gods and oh god so were their prices (It was sky high) !

The heights of this torture session is when the electricity board authorities decide to taunt us by turning off the power exactly at mid afternoon. There have been days when we have even walked down to the offices and pleaded to the authorities to turn the power back on but to no avail. Its always some issue with some line in some far off place which has burnt down and needs to be replaced. What I never understood was why does the line burn off exactly at 2PM every single weekend !

All said and done, after surviving so many summers in India, it's fun to experience a new kind of summer here. A summer with water supply, power supply and temperatures in single digits !

Have I told this before here? I am in love.... with Dublin.

Europe had always been my dream destination. And this place is exactly how I had dreamed it to be. Quaint, green and so very pleasant. Just taking a walk around is so reassuring. I had been on a long walk around my office yesterday and I just couldn't make myself turn back and walk. It's what a hill station back home would be like ! No high rise glass buildings to obstruct the view of the sky. No shade of green in the trees are alike..it's like an artist's painting of what god wanted a beautiful view to be like.. Just perfect !

Yes, its true I miss the chaos back home but I love the peace here too. And all this say without even going on a single sightseeing tour here. I have been here almost 2 months and till date, I haven't visited a single place other than my office, despite the fact that one of most famous landmark here, the St.Patrick Church is right at my doorstep and with all the other major attractions being just a small walking distance apart ! I had made a huge list of all the places I wanted to see here in Dublin, the top rated being 'Glendalough', the lovely location where P.S I Love You was shot. But I guess all that will have to wait. And ya, I know this post is a stark contrast to my previous one below. But I guess 2 months is long enough time for anyone to get over homesickness and I am back on track !

Right now, I need sleep !!! It's a weekend for heavens sake and I just cannot be staying up so wide awake !
I just know that all this lost sleep in going to swoop down on me on a monday morning, when even the extra 5 minutes I shut my eyes turns out to be 2 long hours ! And since I am so bugged this particular morning, I do not choose a picture to go along with this post, unlike my every other post ! Hmph...weekend..humbug !

Take my life away

I know the day is no good when I wake up in the morning and not have you around to tell me - Hey gorgeous..have a lovely day!
I know I don't feel beautiful 

The day doesn't feel beautiful either
Loving you takes my life

But when I look into your eyes, I know you are worth it.

The lady in the orange vest

Back again..with much more to share. Please tread along only if you have the time.

As an introduction, the first thing I did when I logged into my blogger link was to update my profile and change the location from Bangalore,India to Dublin, Ireland. I will be shameless and admit it in an open forum that I have always dreamed/wished of doing such a change and this post is all about it.

'You see that lady in the orange vest there? You can collect it from her'. I turn in the direction of the pointed finger and true, I do see the lady in the orange vest. Propped with my laptop bag on my shoulder, I scurry towards here and request her for the immigration form for flight EY-67 from Bangalore to Abudhabi. Armed with the form in one hand, I turn around frantically every 2 steps, to wave to my family standing outside the departure gate. My parents,my aunty..I was leaving behind everything I loved and owned and moving to something I dint know yet.

Once done with all the formalities, I am at gate 13 and find a seat for myself. I still have a good 1 and half hour to kill before my flight boards. I look around the airport. It's jam packed and overhead I see huge banners on SAP. My heart swells with pride. I am a part of that wonderful family. And almost immediately, my joy deflates. I am leaving behind something far more precious.

On a normal flight, I enjoy the take off. I love to feel the sudden speed and the lightness when it actually takes off. But this time I was too engulfed in my own thoughts to even realize the take off or the landing.

'Farewell to deepthi...lets assemble now'. A few days ago, when this mail came to my inbox, I felt a sudden lump. We all assembled in a small conf room and while stories were shared and laughter broke out, I tried my best to keep a straight face. This was my home away from home. I stayed in bangalore for over 4 years and this had been my home. Most of the people in the room werent just my colleagues, they were family. And I was leaving all this behind.

And that is how I got on the flight to Abudhabi, which is a transit to my final destination Dublin, Ireland. As the distance between the travel date and the offer date grew less, my emotions went from being that of excitement to worry. So much so that, by the time I was on the connecting flight from Abudhabi to Dublin, I was a total nervous wreck and in tears. To make up for this sick behavior, I pretended to read from the 'P.S. I love you' book. It was a 8.30 hour flight of which I refused every meal which was offered. Ultimately, my fellow traveller, a local Irish guy was sympathetic and offered me the following comment 'You know maybe you shouldn't try to read the book after all.. it is a very sad story. Try the movie, atleast you can make it through'.

Anyways, all the hurdles later, I arrived at Dublin. I had been thorough numerous updates on FB where most of my friends had been away on onsite travel for longer duration. Were they all cranky as I was? No,certainly dint look so. They had happy updates to put on FB. They had lovely photos to share on FB. Here I am sulking and cribbing. The last straw in my journey was when I was waiting in Queue for the immigration clearance at Dublin and I noticed an indian girl standing a lil ahead of me.She came back and joined me in the queue. Turns out she was here for a week and was all excited and bubbly. She asks me 'So when is your return flight back? Mine's for next saturday'. I tell her I have no return ticket. The look of bewilderment on her face was totally worth it :)!

Anyways, to cut a long story short, I was a sad picture of total dejection by the time I walked in to the service apartment which was set for me. I walked out in the chilly evening in a unknown place with no directions, no contacts whatsoever looking for a local sim connection as my international roaming dint work and my laptop refused to turn on !. Finally after walking for hours and getting lost among drunken youngsters (yeah..I reached here on the St.Patrick day parade and the entire city was flowing with alcohol), I somehow got back in one piece pretty late at night all by myself! That part I am definitely proud of.. I handled myself well there ;)!

But the next bit, I am not so proud of... I called my parents and howled my heart out, my dad hasnt slept the entire week since. He wakes up at 1:30 AM post midnight to call me up and make sure I got home safe from work. My mom waits for me to call in the morning.

I freaked out my poor brother who was in turn freaked out by my dad for my howling! Basically, by the end of the night, I had every member in my family up and about worrying about me.

I moped around in the house for the entire day and night. The only one person I knew in this town was another colleague of mine who had travelled here earlier and he was in China and I had no idea. His number was not reachable either. Had I not met the one Indian couple who lived in the same building the next morning, I probably would have been back home in the next flight ! But destiny had different plans..and here I am..one week later, still in the same city.

It's beautiful. Every evening, I walk by the liffey river and take in its wonderful beauty. The weather is amazing. A casual stroll does wonders. I shop for the craziest things. And now I am busy looking for a house to move into. A house where I hope to have new memories to share, a new life to remember. I still miss my family like crazy, my parents, my friends and pretty much everyone else...and everything back home..but I am also learning to fall in love with a new place..

But I have a new found respect to all you onsiters out there..who made such a transition look so easy in FB. I literally went through a spectrum of every possible human emotion in just 4 days and I am still not stable, but atleast I know I can survive. Added below is  picture of the lovely river I stroll by most evenings.

Wheels of Time

After tweaking around with the layout and the design of the blog, I realized I should finally get down to doing what I should be doing with the blog - Write! It's been so long since I have penned my thoughts here, that today, when I missed talking to my inner voice, I felt the urge to get back to my blog and so here I am ... back again and with so much to write. I wish I knew how and where to start. With so many topics to address, I am going to let my organizational skills take over, so here goes:

a) First of all, I have been going through all the posts here and I noticed quite a few new comments on most posts I haven't trespassed in ages. I am extremely apologetic for not having replied to these posts. It's very rude on my part, for not appreciating/replying to people who actually took time out to read and comment here. I express my heartfelt sincere apologies in this public forum.

b) And now, as I write this, I am once again shouting out my glee to be married to my best friend :)! He was the first person who introduced me to the wonderful world of writing. Nine years ago, in an online chat window he tells me 'Type to me 5 things about you' and now many many chat windows,letters,emails and text messages later,he tells me 'Type to me ONLY 5 things about you' ! Well my darling, you are the one who got me started on writing..so bear with it..for the rest of our lives :) !

c) Aah and now to really move onto my favourite area of the post..

After a prolonged stay in kerala, I am headed back to bangalore to resume my life as the software engineer in the IT world. Due to lack of energy, I had decided to move on in luxury and booked myself into Indigo for an expensive, lesser travel time option to bangalore. My pre travel mood was foul as I was quite homesick in leaving after being pampered at home for close to a month. On boarding the flight, I noticed an elderly couple in the adjacent seat.

After the flight take off, the steward came forward with the food and beverages. When asked if they would prefer tea or coffee, the couple happily ordered for 2 cups of coffee. When after being served the coffee, they were told to pay up the amount of 120 INR, I could see the shocked look on the aunty's face and the bewilderment on the uncle's face. I could fathom that they hadnt expected to be charged for it. Once the payment was cleared and the steward moved on, the aunty rebuked her husband in the usual wifey tone 'I thought you said they serve everything free of cost! 120 rs for 2 cups of coffee..I could've served you coffee for 1 month in that cost!' and the uncle very sweetly replied 'Yes! but you would be drinking the coffee on land and not in the air'. At this very sweet statement, I couldn't help but smile. This was the ice breaker for us to start on the introductions. The aunty very sweetly turned to me and admitted that they had no clue the coffee would be charged. One topic led to another and this is how it was (in malayalam):

Aunty: So you work in bangalore?
Me: Yes aunty
Aunty: Are you married?
Me: Yes aunty. And my husband is currently working in Kerala.
Aunty: So you came home to visit your parents?
Me: Yes, was with my parents and in-laws home.

After a few thoughtful moments:
Aunty: We are going to see our grand daughter. Our son's daughter. she is 6 months old now. They had the delivery from bangalore itself since our son could not take time off from his work. My daughter in law's parents were there for the past 6 months to help them. Now they are going to look after their second daughter who just delivered, so our son is flying us out to help with the baby.

I try to read her face to understand the emotion she is trying to express so that I could offer an approproate reaction to her statement. My 2 options for a response were 'wow' - if my study of her face revealed happiness at the above statement or just an 'Oh' if it dint.

Before I could offer a reply, the uncle who was a silent spectator to our conversation until then, pitched in 'I hope our neighbours look after the cows properly. And my plants, I hope kannan remembers to water them every day. You closed the attic windows, dint you?' The aunty gives a silent nod.

Both of them go silent again.

To avoid an awkward silence, I ask them where they live in Trivandrum.

Aunty: you might not know, we dont live in the city. We live in the outskirts, near parassala.
I admit I am not very familiar with the place.

Aunty: It's not like the city. You see, uncle loves gardening so we have a huge garden around the place. We even have a few farm animals. Our day's are spent more outside the house than inside.It's going to be a big change for us you know. This is the first time we are even travelling outside kerala. Our son speaks very good english, so we wont have a problem in bangalore na mole? Both of us dont speak english you see. Anyways, I don't think we have to go out anywhere. Both of them go for work in the morning, so we will be with the baby only. In today's world, not enough we bring up our children, we also have to bring up our grandchildren alle mole..

I offer a smile. As there really was nothing more I could offer to her conversation, she smiled and settled herself for a nap.

She had set my thinking cells ON. I glance at her hands resting on the side. They arent well manicured or dainty. They were coarse and tarnished. They spoke volumes of the number of the times she had spent cutting,scrubbing,cleaning and mopping. They were the hands of a devoted hard working mother. They arent spared even in old age. They are prepared for more scrubbing and cleaning and cutting.

When it's time for the children to take up parenting their parents, here they are..travelling miles to take up the role of parenting again. I do not judge the son here or any other sons or daughters. I just feel an overwhelming sense of sadness in realizing what a selfish generation we have turned out to be. It's always about our jobs, our career, our children, our home. While we dont want to close down our cramped little apartment even for a day, we expect our parents to shut down their entire lives (their house, their pets, their friends) and travel down to start a new life at our place.

I am no different. I am expecting my parents to travel down and come be with me. I am no saint but I am no daughter either.. I know I will also be just another mother who wants nothing but the best for her daughter/son even if it means having my parents give up everything and come to start a new future for my kid!

Well, this arrangement has its positive side too. Like every coin, this too has it's 2 faces. However at the moment, when I see the elderly couple trying to adjust to the new relocation, my thoughts are more oriented towards the not-so-positive facts of life.

Footnote: With my recitation of each day's events, my husband has judged it best for me to be sleeping during travel. He claims I intrude on other people's privacy by observing too much and posting it on my blog! I don't think that's true. All my writings have been very generic. I take no names. However just to be safe, here's my disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely a coincidence and not intentional

Inked for life

Of the many crazy things I know I am sure to do in my life, a Tattoo was probably the last thing in the list. No, I guess it was not even there in the list . And how it turned out to be among the first few I actually did is still a mystery to me.

But now, over a year later since I got inked for life, I am ready to write about it :) ! [The final step was when my parents actually admired it.. though they have forbidden me from getting any more !]

In fact until a few years ago, I had no clue about the whole idea of tattooing. And even when I did come to know about it, I dint really find anything captivating about it, definitely not for me.. a person who till date creates a huge drama in a hospital if the doctor refers me for a blood test !

When nichu walked in one fine day and proudly displayed her first tattoo..I remember how aks and myself yelled out at her.
And in less than 4 months I was on my way to get my first tattoo done :)

Going back to the transition in these 4 months, I guess it was more of my craving to do something different, out of the ordinary. [This explanantion dint hold good while explaining to my mom as to why I got the tattoo done ;)]

Come to think of it..I never really had any reason for getting it done. It was an instinctive impulse and the only remorse I had was for the amount it costed me !

Nevertheless, the reactions of the kids in my hostel in complimenting me on being a 'cool didi ' ;) with the tattoo or the way I have managed to inspire the next generation in my family [who by the way have allowed to title me to be the first person in the tattoo genre ;) ] is more than reason enough for my tattoo adventure ! And I am proudly admiring my new addition ! :) Now all I need to complete the look is a few pairs of rugged clothes and a mexican desert and I am good to go... to flaunt my new look !

Ps: If any of you wish to get a tattoo done, I would recommend darkarts studio in bangalore. They do some of the most amazing designs I have ever seen, comparable to the miami ink and LA ink ones !

Was it me who changed you....?

She looked at the colorful portrait in her hands. The smile on her parents face in the picture spoke volumes on their happiness at welcoming her, their daughter, into the small family. She was 6 months old when it was taken.

They named her 'Diya'.. the light of their lives.

Now, five and half years later, she cannot remember a single day when she saw the smile on her parents face. The only happiness and joy she ever saw was all plastered on the multiple portraits and framed pictures which lined the walls in the house. The people who lived in the house did not reflect it on their faces.

Today, when she realized it has been a long time since she saw her dada, out of curiosity, she asked her mamma about him. And she always got the same reply from her. 'We need our space baby'.

Her 6 year old mind could not fathom what that meant. After all, it was a huge spacious house they lived in. It had so many rooms that even she dint know the count of it. Moreover, she was always ready to clear out her nursery room of all her toys if her dada would like to have that 'space'. Anything to have him in the house.

Without giving her a chance to ask any more questions, her mamma walked out.

She went back to browsing the album in her hand. Her parents in their wedding attire. Her parents on their world tour. Her parents at family gatherings. Her parents out on picnics with their friends. They were so radiant with the glow of their new life together.

From the day she could remember, while family members ogled at other little children, admiring them and telling them how cute they were...the only whispers she heard around her was about how sorry everyone was and what was to happen to her. She dint understand it then and she couldn’t understand it now either.

Her dada had come to see her, a long time ago. She had dressed up in her most prettiest dress and had packed all her new toys in her school bag to show him. When she finally saw him, she could barely manage to run into his outstretched arms. So excited was she on seeing him that she could hardly contain her blabbering. Finally, when she had calmed down enough she heard him say about how she would always be his first princess, and about how things were different and something about moving on and many other things of which she could understand nothing. But she dint want to disappoint her father. After all, if he was telling her all this he expected her to understand it. So she obediently nodded her head and intently listened to every word he uttered. She caught only one word from his talks - 'Drivers'.

On reaching back, when she was telling her mamma about the visit, she asked her what dada meant by saying that mom and him are getting drivers. Mom's eyes misted up. But she was busy comprehending the meaning in her own little imagination that she had failed to notice it. Probably they are getting new cars.

'Tomorrow is a big day' mamma told her.

She had heard something about the drivers being final tomorrow.

Early morning the next day, she went with her granny and mamma.

Dada was standing in one corner of the corridor. Mamma and dada walked in. She stayed out with her granny. She dint like the vibes she got in the place. Her heart told her something is not right.

Mamma walks out of the room right into granny's arms, gives her a tight hug and heaves a sigh and says it’s over and that he dint even request for the custody rights.

Little Diya turns to look for her dada. He walks out walks towards the opposite side. He holds the hands of the other 6 year old girl who was standing there and starts walking out without even giving her a look.

Diya turns to look at her mother who is already on her way out with her granny.

Stranded in the middle, she heard someone whisper that those 2 are now on their way to start to a new life.

No one realized that a third life had just ended......

No bindi...no Hindu...

It has indeed been a very long time since i penned something here..or rather blogged here.But then,what with a very non cooperative laptop (we simply cant seem to agree on our common working hours) and a matching lazy attitude to go with it..lets just say i cudnt make it to my blogspot page.However, it dosent mean there is a shortage of topics to blog about..there is plenty happening around which will be updated shortly..but as of now..my inspiration for this renewal of my online time is one particular incident which happened 2 days ago. And for most of you who know me...my reasons for blogging are either frustration,boredom or anger. Well this time, the category is the third..pure plain boiling mad rage..and you ask me why? well here goes why.....

A friend of mine.. after being tired of staying in a dingy hostel room with three other roommates finally decides she wants her own personal space and decided to venture out on a hunt to find herself a single room/studio apartment. Since i was well aware of the hardships in this 'treasure' hunt [I had gone through the same when i was trying to relocate after nichu moved to London :(, believe me..its horrible..especially for an unmarried working girl !! i finally settled down for a hostel for college girls !], i tried my best to persuade her to give up this fruitless activity. The end result of such house hunts are always some lucky autodrivers..who make a fortune after the numrous trips to different ends of the town.

Well..all that said and done.. and she with her persistant behaviour, hunts down probable houses. Last friday, i get a call from her saying that she has found a house with a single room available..but unfortunately..as she would be late in leaving office on that day, she wanted me to go and check it out. Reluctant as i was, i finally heeded and went off to inspect this so called house straight after work.

Its a quiet lane with houses which are attached to each other and with all weird shaped gates and with 'waves'[Kolam] on the roads. I stop in front of the house with the number mentioned in her sms to me.A small girl, around 8 to 9 years of age is sitting on the steps and trying to weave something out of the few flowers and leaves strewn around her.I stop short of the gate and i ask in plain pure english

'Is this Mr.Brihaspati's house?' [From my experience in banglore,Kids learn to speak very good english at a very young age!]
She stares at me. I hastily think i am mistaken and i rephrase my question in what i assume is proper kannda.
'Brihaspati mane ya ithu?'

She is on the verge of bursting into tears and while i look around frantically..she lets out a heart wrenching yelp which sounds something like 'apppaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' and runs into the dark interiors of the house.
As i stand wondering what next, out comes a middle aged man in his white dhoti and a white baniyan and asks a very brisk 'What?'.
I move forward in an attempt to open the gates and tell him about my arrival here, when he abruptly moves forwards laying a protective hand on the latch of the gates.I look up at him and tell him that i happened to hear about a vacancy of a single room in the first floor and that i am here to see the place.

If looks could kill, i am sure i would have been burnt to ashes by the piercing glare he was giving. He was staring at me and i could feel his stares burn the centre of my forehead. While i am trying to comprehend the situation, he shouts out
'No muslims..only hindus...go go...shoo shoo'.
And i turn and look around half expecting to see a cow or some other four legged animal probably wearing something which resembles the 'burkha' worn by muslims.
I was pretty sure he is shooing some animal away..
and he still continues his shooing gestures repeating 'no muslims no muslims'.

It took me a while to realise that it was me he was shooing away....and by then it was too late..the wooden door had already been slam shut on my face and the figure which rudely shooed me away was safely protected behind it.
I stand bewilderd and shocked not realising what struck me.
And then it hit me..the constant glare at my forehead and his assumption that i was a muslim... i had no Bindi on my forehead.
Yes,I dont keep bindi's. If you ask me it's a big effort. For starters,it dint take me long to realise that my skin is allergic to whatever the glue that is used to stick the colorful paper onto my forehead.So i tried my hand at the liquid paint stuff. And this became an even more nightmarish experiment,because by mid day my face would look like some amteur artist tried making a art work which went haywire.The paint would have been smeared all over my face and i would end up looking more ridiculous than ever..so my stints with bindi's are very limited and done only on days when i know i can afford to be very very careful with the little colored paint on my forehead.

But i never realised that the absence of that one small dot could make a difference in getting a roof above my head or being shooed away like a wild animal!

Why? why does appearances and accesories have to make a person?
I wear toe rings and i love wearing them because i think they are cool and look nice..and umpteen times i have been asked where my husband is or which company he works for? Initially it never struck me why i was being posed with such questions? I simply presumed probably they are just taking a wild guess from my age..but its only later i realised that it was the one small ring on my toe which made all the difference. And from that day i resolved never to have it removed !!
I know plenty of married women who dont wear a toe ring or sindoor.. they are never asked questions..so why ask questions when its worn? If the absence dosent matter...then why should its presence matter????
Why does accesories make a religion? Isnt religion a person's comfort and not something which is imposed?

I repeat..i am not religious...i am just spiritual [copyright - shiff].
As long as its god you are calling,what difference does anything else make?
Sorry folks..no offence here.This incident has deeply shaken me up and hurt would be an understatement.

Sadly, as i stay dumbstruck in the lane and give one last look at the door which was rudely slammed onto my face, i see the small face of the girl peeping out through a window by the side and i think....

There's the person who will be slamming the door shut on my children's face too..............it never ends..its just passed on from one generation to the next......

And he still runs for the kite.................

well..this one's actually a continuation to one of my older posts 'Princess'.If you have already read that,you would be well aware of my obsession with regard to the topic on the followers of prophet mohammed.
'Princess' was the second book which managed to stir the tear glands in me.The first being 'A thousand splendid suns'.Like i always claimed,this Khalid Hosseini book has a very special place in my heart. Despite having the book in my ownership for over 2 months,i refrained from reading it till the minute i landed at the airport for my first journey to the Arab land.Then i plunged headlong into it and reading it while actually sitting amidst sweet scent of 'athar' and aabha clad women gave a very special meaning to the book.
And now a new addition to this list - The kite runner.
There are very few books which i have started and not finished, one being fountainhead, another - Godfather (unfortunately i saw the movie first and cudnt make myself read through the entire book !) and the third - the kite runner. Though the reason for this being entirely different. At the point where Amir meets Rahim in pakistan to talk about the bygone years,my eyes always welled up and i dint want to know what came of Hassan. Twice i tried and both times, i stopped reading at this point.
Yesterday evening after a very heated argument with Aks on my obsession in this regard, i was fully determined and sat down with the book at 10 PM. The same words, the same pomegranate tree..everything in the book was the same untill i got to their reunion. And i dint stop, despite the choking sensation ..i dint stop till i came to the last statement in the book, five minutes ago.
As every other book in this genre, this one has also taken away a part of me. A part of me which i had been obsessed with for as long as i can remember.
I am not religious, i am just spiritual.And such books always leave me lost.I fail to see the purpose,the message or maybe it's just that i dont want to see the purpose or the message. All i feel is a choking sensation draining the air out of me.
With each word i read in the book, my life's biggest dream just keeps making its purpose more and more clear to me. For those of you who know about it,No - its not the beauty or mystery which bades me for it.. but it's the lack of all these.

For you,a thousand times over................................

Ps: In a totally disoriented state of mind and yes, long weekends can be a drag if not spent at home ! :(

Star light.....Star bright.......

Star light,Star bright
The first star i see tonight
I wish i may
i wish i might
have the wish i make tonight







For almost 12 years of my life, i grew up chanting this every evening when i gazed at the sky and saw the first bright evening star. And for certain, i believed that the stars above granted me my wish each time.

Many years later, when i happened to leave late from office yesterday and while taking the regular path to the late shuttles parked near the gate, i happened to have a glance at the sky and seeing my good old friend twinkling in the night sky, i felt such a tug of nostalgia in my heart that even before i could stop myself, i was repeating the familiar old 'rhyme' and for the first time in many years, i was actually wishing that the stars would grant me my wish one last time.

Standing mesmerised in the middle of my office pathway is definitely not my idea of being nostalgic.

There was a time in my childhood when i used to run to the terrace of our high rise apartment complex, at exactly 6:30 in the evening and wait till the first star comes out,to shout out my wish. This was a routine every day for a very long time in my life.Gradually,with growing out of my childhood, i realised that i have even grown out of most things which made me happy.

The simple joy i got from seeing the night sky, the twinkling stars or the rain or the feel of the wind in my face, all these became memories of a distant past.Till yesterday evening, i had actually forgotten when was the last time that i gazed at the night sky and admired the full glowing glory!

But despite all the wisdom endowed on me by the increasing number of candles on my birthday cake, i still felt a great sense of happiness after standing for a minute and talking to the stars one more time..................for the wish i make tonight.......................

This one's for you Ryan

Like someone rightly said, the best things in the world comes in the smallest package and right now i just cannot agree more.

A pair of tiny curled up fists, two tiny slits in the face from which looked out the most innocent pair of eyes, a near bald head with few tufts of fur [not hair really!!] staying tangled up here and there, tiny feet kicking the air around and the most wonderful part - the aroma of a new born, these are what welcomed me as i walked into the hospital room to see you for the first time.

I am not intending this to be a bollywood style filmi masala post, but maybe years later when you do drop by to read your aunt's blog, do remember to stop at this post and know that she still feels the same love for you as she did when she was composing this post for you!

Babies are always special. I have always wondered seeing mine and my brother's baby photos 'Now..how in the world did something so small and cute like that grow up to be something like this !!' Let's see how better you are going to fare ryan ! :) But for the time being i just remember you as two day old baby covered up in a blue towel and making cute lil gurgling noises in your crib.

Nope, you are definitely not the first baby i am holding, not the first baby to hurl your curled up fists at me. There have been plenty of wonderful cute babies around, but you came when i was at a age to realise that a baby is just not another source of entertainment in the house, but infact a new realm of life which can transform the life of the parents and the entire household, a responsibilty so big and new, a creation solely belonging to the parents and no one else! For the first time in my life, i was looking at a new life with a much more deeper sense of understanding. Well...if you are confused, let me just put it simpler..your aunt just admitted she is getting mature!

Anyways, i know i looked into your eyes and told you that i do really love you.. and you returned my love with a huge yawn [I must say..for a 2 day old..you definitely gave a huge yawn!]. I spent hours sitting by your side and watching you sleep.You definitely dreamt a lot those days!After a while i lost count of the number of times you smiled, frowned, whimpered and pouted in your sleep.Though for the life of me, i still can't imagine what a 2 day old baby has so much to dream about !! In all our lives together ,i am sure to have pestered you to tell me about those dreams if you do still remember them..and i reiterate the same statements here - do post it as your comments in here !

I really loved hearing you bawl, which was very seldom, since you were a pretty well behaved baby and preferred sleeping away the entire time [way to go boy!..now that definitely shows we are the same blood!!] But the few times that you did cry, i have stopped rhea and your dad from consoling you immediately.. atleast not until i knew that your cries are still resounding in my head.

Everytime i held you in my arms, i could feel your heart fluttering away through the towels wrapped around you and i have always whispered in your ears that i promise to be careful with you in my arms.I realised i have never held something so pure ever before.

The aroma of your powder soaked towels and the baby oil and your baby smell, those were what i call the 'scent of life'.If your mom ever looked around for your one day old baby socks, actually just a sock, tell her its still safely tucked away in my bag :) !

I dont know what it is that your tiny feet or fists or your little eyes did, but you definitely bought a new meaning to life for me, with just your presence.

Your addition to my life has made me open my eyes to the reality around me and realise that life does move on...................

I love you, my lil ryan baby.........

Just a lil thought...from the bottom of my heart....

As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me,changing us -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much you meant to me..how much i love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friends, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.
For a day which really means nothing... but nevertheless.... just for the heck of it....Happy friendship day !!!

The end of an era.. ..

All good things must come to an end..
And everything just did ........
So abruptly..but so definitely......
A toast to the best days of my life.......

And to the two most important people who have been part of it..

Oops sorry..three..i can't forget Hobbes !! :)

And no..four... no five... well...

A toast to the ones still a part of it ..............

Well,wise choice....

A toast to everyone ...!!

Way back into love

Song for the day...
From a very cute movie 'Music and Lyrics'. Hugh Grant is adorable ;)..i simply love his accent !



I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,

And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

A little bit of humor here and there.....

......to make my day.... !
Been a while since i made myself type out something. Today, during my journey to office, i happened to come across a signboard on a traffic out-post.It really caught my attention (topic No:5 below ).That's when i started iterating through all the signboards i have read and which have bought a smile to my face.Thought of sharing it here.So here goes......
The first line quotes the funny text in the boards and the second line...
well..those are what went through my mind when i read the sign boards !!

1.On a board outside a house in my lane,it reads "No parking for public".
Oh,Sorry.I dont park for public..but can i park for myself? :)

2.On a drycleaner's board:"Dying will be done here".
Will u take care of living too :P

3.Again,on a board outside a house:"Dont even think of parking here".
Righto ! Am parking without thinking :)

PS: Somehow,most funny boards are always related to traffic and vehicles.. have you noticed that?

4.On a traffic sign-post:"Left turn not free".
Duhh...ok.Will call after sometime..whenever the left turn is free :)

5.A traffic sign board again :"Dont drink and driver".
Driver what? were u intending something here ..:)

6.On a board at a junction:"Acci-dents done here."
Do u also un-dent any dents done here ..just wondering..

7.Outside a hotel:"Plan tea available here!"
Great.. so when are you going to declare your unplanned tea ;)

8.Outside a corner house shop under renovation:"Corner house moved [around the corner]."
Now..was it resting on just one corner or did it just get tired of being in one corner of the corner.???..

9.Outside a studio:"I shoot babies. please call [number] for appointment.Shooting brides also done here".
Someone call the cops.... Freak !!!

10.Now for a very generic one.
"No trespassing.Violators will be shot.Survivors will be shot again."
This one really beats them all !!! I should be shot if i dint laugh after reading this one :) !

I am sure there's more to add to this..but right now this is all that i can remember.. !
More additions welcome..Anything to bring about a smile...
Like they say...
A smile is the only curve which can set everything straight !!!

cheers,
deeps

A little pie from the bottom of my heart...

A lullaby i have always loved. The one song which has inspired me to learn guitar so that i can sing it to my little ones in perfect tune :). Right now practising this song, to sing for my lil nephew !!
[&Shiff - To Arnon too !]

Dedicating this song to all the cute lil babies around and to all expecting moms as well !

Here is the lyrics for you to Sing-along. Enjoy

When the world is gray and bleak
Baby don't you cry
I will give you every bit of love that's in my heart

I will bake it up into a simple little pie…

Baby don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle
Baby don't be blue
Gonna make for you
Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle.
Gonna be a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with strawberry love
Baby don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
And hold you forever in the middle of my heart.

Baby here's the sun
Baby here's the sky
Baby I'm your light and I'm your shelter
Baby you are mine
I could freeze the time
Keep you in my kitchen with me forever
Gonna be a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with strawberry love
Baby don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
And hold you forever in the middle of my heart.

Gonna bake a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with butterscotch love
Gonna bake a pie from heaven above
Gonna be filled with banana creme love

Baby don't you cry
Gonna bake a pie
Hold you forever
Hold you forever
And hold you forever in the middle of my heart.

My Furry First-Born !

Intrigued by the title? Exactly my intentions when phrasing it like that.I am dedicating this post to one naughty little brat of a pup whom i cherish,as my first born.And indeed,he is one big ball of fur.So,i guess the title coudnt be more apt!

Being a dog person [yeah! lately,i even tell my friends to 'SIT' and 'STAY'!An effect of being around my pup so often],i have always dreamt of having a never-extinguishing-energy-ball-of-fur of my own[in case you are wondering,yes i was hinting at having dogs].But, with the frequent shifting between houses and my father's constant refusal to have anything living,with more than 2 legs in the house,i never got a chance to realise my dream of owning a four legged friend.After my persistant nagging,he reluctantly told me that as long as i am living with them under the same roof, i am not allowed to have any dogs around, but when i get to move out, then i am free to live life with my rules.I guess, by this complex statement, he must have meant a very different context, but since i was not very keen on getting the loopholes in that statement clarified, i just picked up the very obvious meaning and finally when i did move in to a seperate house in Bangalore, the very first thing i did was to hunt around for a mutt! Thankfully, Nichu also turned out to be as much a dog lover as i am.So by the end of the first month in Bangalore, we had both decided to get a four legged friend home. I had always wanted a sand colored labrador.But after many consistant refusals from Nichu as to why we shouldn't be getting a big dog home, i finally agreed to settle for any smaller breed [as long as its not a pomeranian..i just cant stand the shrill barks!].

Much googling later,we decided on a cocker spaniel, that too a chocolate brown coloured one. And i never mentioned a word of this to my parents [:)],decided to spare them from the shock untill i got the pet home.So finally on the D-day, February 17'th 2008 [this was a V-day gift me and nichu were gifting ourselves!], we head off to a pet shop and believe me...i never thought i would see heaven before i die, but i am sure that i was stepping into heaven when i first set foot in that pet shop [though yes, a very bad smelling heaven or probably heaven when it has run out of air fresheners!].The place was full of puppies, all breeds and colors and sizes and with their tiny whining voices and crawling all over the place, they were the most adorable pups in this whole world.The first thing to catch my eyes was a sand coloured flat ball on the floor trying to crawl.It was love at first sight! The tiny ball looked up with the most innocent round eyes and when i bent down to pick him up, he gave the tiniest whine at being disturbed from his comfortable position and snuggled back to sleep in my arms.I knew at that moment, that this was the Lab i had waited all my life for! [My parents were hoping that i would be saying this statement referring a human and they kinda totally gave up on me when they realised i was talking about a puppy!].

Very gleefully,with a mission accomplished look i turn towards nichu and aks.Both of them have this 'will-kill-you' look on their faces and at that precise moment,out walks the owner with a dark chocolaty ball of fur in his hands.I was still standing in the corner with the lab in my arms while the other 2 were examining the spaniel puppy and trying to get him to attempt to crawl.Very reluctantly, i was made to hand back the lab pup and i went over to check on the lazy puppy who went off to sleep the minute he had been put down to crawl!

Yeah,lazy! That's how he had looked to me. The small fellah hardly opened his eyes. All he did was keep flopping around and go to sleep. He wasn’t even whining.I give one look at Nichu.I can see that she has decided this is the pup. I hesistatingly kept saying 'He isnt whining, he looks droopy, he looks doped'. All my persistant remarks went unheeded by the two of them.Finally, giving one last heartbreaking look at the still whining lab pup, we walk out from the pet shop, the brown furry ball still sleeping away in my arms!

By the end of the auto journey back home, i must say, the warm furry little thing had managed to creep his way into my heart and the lab puppy was just a faint reminder.

For the next few days,it was a confused frenzy of two new "mom's" trying very desperately to take care of a one month old baby (that's how old he was when we got him home).There was cerelac and milk and biscuits and water strewn all over the place. The puny little fellah managed to creep under every possible nook and corner in the house.Getting him to eat,in the initial days,was a task by itself.We had made the mistake of keeping cerelac mixed in a huge bowl (compared to his size) and we have nearly had to pry him away from the edge of the bowl before he himself fell headlong into the 'cerelac pond'!

The first one month saw me walking around cribbing -the puppy isnt active,the puppy isnt running around,he isnt barking, he isnt whining,he still looked doped and he dint have a tail !!! And oh yes,we named him Hobbes [From Calvin and Hobbes fame! Was hoping that the influence of the name would instill the naughtiness in him and make him active].

And oh lord !! Was i mistaken or what!By the end of second month, what had been a sleepy little doped thing turned out be a 'Vociferous Carnivore' [As Sounak refers to Hobbes!].The transition from a harmless pup to a running-barking-demanding monster was almost instantaneous.

a.What had been a quiet house earlier, now sounded like a raging mad house!
b.His favourite timepass was to scrape off the paint from the wall. So the living room in our house looked like a miniature bull dozer had tried demolishing it off!
c.There is no count to the number of sandals we have sacrificed for his teething days!
d.Every evening, i walked in home, to either see the entire house covered up in shreds and shreds of newspaper and a tiny little brown pup hiding somewhere in the midst of the mess, giving me his most innocent look. Or he would have pulled off every possible thing from the kitchen counter and sitting on top of the water can. One day, he had even dragged the entire garbage bag all over the house and had the house stink like a corporation dump!
e.Barking incessantly, he believed was his birth right!
f.What was termed as 'Taking Hobbes for a walk' turned out to be 'Hobbes taking us for a run'!
g.The families in our lane are so very used to seeing either of us running in the lane screaming out 'Hobbie' at the top of our voices.This is on days, he decides to go off on a run on his own!Some people even pitch in to chase him down shouting out anything which remotely sounds like 'Hobbie'.So most evenings and weekends, see people running around in the lane shouting 'Bobby, Bhaabhi, Habbie' and what not!

He turned out be the world's most naughtiest dog and the most unruly one too! But the little gestures of unconditional love from the puppy heart is enough to melt our hearts and to put up with all his nonsensical deeds! Waking up in mornings and feeling a cold wet nose rubbing against your feet, or getting back from office and seeing an excited puppy prancing all around the house and barking in his doggy language to welcome you home, these are what i call the little joys of life!

Watching the movie 'Marley and me' was like living our life ! We are the proud owners of a dog who has humbled every dog trainer and who still manages to be the same unmanagable irritable mutt...my furry first born !
PS: The photo is of Hobbes taken on day 2 at our house!

Six Degrees of seperation

Its a really really small world out there isn't it? For those of you who dont agree to it, here's the reason why.
Did you know that every person in this world is at most just six steps away from any other person in this world? Be it a stranger in the United Kingdom or a rocket scientist in the NASA or even Barack Obama, all it takes for you to reach out to them, is to contact at most 5 other people,that too one of whom is a personal acquaintance! Isnt that amazing!This is what the concept of 'six degrees of seperation' is all about.

During my college days, i remember having a discussion on the Will Smith movie 'Six degrees of seperation'. This is when i heard the concept first.Gradually in the events of our discussion, most of us even embarked on the 'Kevin Bacon Game',the goal of the game being to link any actor to Kevin Bacon through no more than six connections, where two actors are connected if they have appeared in a movie together. A very interesting game[especially if played in between boring lecture classes!],but since my vocab with respect to Hollywood films was very minimal then [and even now!], i really failed to find a connection between Amitabh bachan, aamir or SRK to Kevin Bacon [Though a friend of mine very successfully did it!.You dont belive it? Try it.If in doubt, please ask me :)].

Also, apparently, there is this game 'Find Satoshi', where a game company is circulating the picture of a Japanese man called Satoshi and the aim of the game is to - find him! [Obviously..Duh!!]

Well, anyways, moving onto the more important matter. The reason why this post is here. My daily trips to and forth office,in the shuttle,is what i like to call my 'Enlightment time' [:)]. The time of the day where, since i have nothing better to do, i let my mind wander away and recapture or explore its creativity [not that it has too much, but still!].So today, for no particular reason,we[my mind and me] decided to have an iteration of the various faces in my life till date and the result was very very surprising.It's really amazing to realise how small the world has shrunk to. I guess it really takes a lot,in today's world,to lose touch with friends or not to keep in contact with the people around.I have realised that there is no single person i have completely lost touch with.Invariably there is some link around which will take me till there [:)].This is how the topic of 'six degrees of seperation' entered my head and i was very impatient till i reached my seat and researched more on it [;)].

Outcome of research - i have realised that the most complex web, the human web, is the most easiest to be networked and maintained and to be broken too !

Well, end of the day, i guess i am really not freaked off on letting go of people. There is always some link to take me back :).And if not,guess they just arent meant to be found [not my loss :)!].

Right now, i have embarked on finding out my six links to reach the president of United States.Hmmm..or should it be Richard gere..hmmm or Abhishek Bachan..or Suriya..Damn it ! For once i thought i have set my heart on accomplishing something .. and i am still confused !

Remember to forget me...............

I happened to see Shif's latest post in her blog about her visit to calicut. Never before has the pang of nostalgia struck me such a force.

Do i hear a why?
Well, here's why...

In this big new era of 'nuclearisation' and independent living, the one factor conveniently forgotten by everyone is 'The joy of togetherness,of being one big family'.

These days,for me,being homesick means missing my home and folks at Trivandrum. But, until around 3 years ago, homesick meant, missing the big cool home "Jaya" at Kalliaserry,Kannur. The one lovingly built and nurtured by my grandfather, with the large courtyard around it, the uncountable varieties of trees and plants around. I always used to claim, that even in a famine, the only thing which we might miss at this house is probably milk [since we never had any cows in the house!].But with a garden rich in mangoes, coconuts, pepper, pineapples, chikku,jackfruits,curry leaves, varieties of spinach and chillies, bittergourd, pappaya..and god knows what else, the place was a heaven for living! As kids, our entire summer holidays were spent under the mango tree, waiting to catch every ripe mango falling off it.But this very rarely happened, since we would have already clambered up the tree and pulled off any fruit which looked edible. Nothing beats the fun of climbing up a mango tree,arms laden with salt, red chilli powder mixed with a little coconut oil and picking out the first mango in your reach and enjoying the delicious combination ! [Damn..i wish i never grew up !].

But no,this is not the house which first came into my mind when i saw the pictures in shif's blog. It was my ancesteral house,Tharavadu, which came rushing into my memory. The house where my great grandmother was born and bought up. The place where my grandmother and her siblings grew up. The house was witness to my mother and her sibling's growing years too. Sad to say, my generation was just passing visitors to the house.

A lovely old house,more than 90 years old, built in the traditional kerala style, with not even water connections.A big huge 'kolam' [pond] and the crackling old well was the only means of water supply here.The ladies of the house kept themselves fit by drawing water day in and day out.As kids, we always used to run away and hide since we dint want to do that tedious chore! The 'Chikku' tree in the front of the house had been such a source of joy in the blazing summer heat. The sacred 'Tulsi' always looked so pious in the evenings when the lamps were lit.One could not even see any house anywhere in the vicinity [though, this changed with the effect of 'development'!].It was pitch dark once twilight set in. That is the only time when we kids sit around the elders (scared by tales of ghosts and spirits roaming in and around the house!).Electricity had been a luxury there and it was always one small yellow bulb giving out a tiny bit of glow around the house.

Dusk was the time when old tales sprang up and everyone used to go into peels of laughter,struck with the memories of an era which had gone by. We used to enjoy listening to tales of the heroic and romantic [;)] deeds of our grand-uncles and aunts and our parents! They all had memories attached to each and every day of their growing years and the house was a witness to all of them. The house had stood by to see the cycle of life go by, generations after generations.

In my eyes, my mother had always been the calm,loving,gentle lady i see everyday.But these dusk time stories reminded me that she had once been a little girl too..a little girl who used to do more antics than i did [And i always used these stories as references for my defence in the later days ;)!]

The weirdest thing about the house was that every single room had a particular name - 'Kottalakam','vadakemuri' and so forth.Till date i have no clue which room is which. I always fumbled my way around the house!The puja room was an assortment of pictures of gods and godesses and ancestors and huge lamps and 'basmam'(holy ash).My great-great-grandfather had been a renowed astrologer in those days and the puja room also had his books and 'Ezhuthu ola' [Palm leaves] and other artifacts from his era.The entire house had a musty smell.The old creaking wooden steps leading to the top floor always spooked me out every time. The house was always abuzz with the voices of the people and the rattling of vessels and the screams of the little ones. There was no television or phone to eat away into the precious time, which was used for catching up on the one year that had gone by.

The house had been a witness to a golden era in the history of our family.

That day had been the last day anyone in our family would be stepping foot in that house again.After the house had been ripped away of each and every bit of memory of the MK family, i turned to have one last glance at the house which had given me so many fond memories and i could hear the winds whisper

Remember to forget me …………………………………………...

Heights of laziness...

Wondering what's with the title? I been wanting to come up with something real nice in my blog,but i am under the effect of my suggestive 'Title',so.............
Happened to be tagged by Ashwin to answer few questions and know myself better. While browsing through..i felt some of the questions pretty intriguing,so figured, why not post it here. Adding my answers to each of those questions too. Hence here goes..

1. Were you named after anyone?
Yeah me..Anyone born after me and named 'Deepthi',obviously they take up after me.. I set the benchmark ! ;)

2. When was the last time you cried?
Errrr...hmmm... 2 minutes ago.. was cutting onions for dinner ;).

3. Do you like your handwriting?
I do... but i am not too sure of what others think of it!

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Fish..any kind

5. Do you have kids?
I aint married yet... not a reasonable answer i agree..but nevertheless.. !;)

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
I would probably find a place for myself in another planet. Only i know how much i am struggling to live with myself !

7. Do you use sarcasm?
Try going through my answers and figure it out.I hate to admit my flaws ;)

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Do i still have my what ?
Since i never knew it existed in the first place, i am sure i wouldn't know it even if its lost!

9. Would you bungee jump?
Life is definitely making me go through a whole lot of bungee jumping ..that too without any safety harnesses.Someone's gotto set the rules right !!

10. What is your favorite cereal?
Anything which has the cute cartoon pictures on the cover !

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Err.. with sandals.. not possible!

12. If you were to pick your own first name, what would it be?
No way ! Are you freaking kidding me ?
This way i atleast get to blame my parents for my first name ;).

13. What is your favorite ice-cream?
AS long as it's ice and cream..i really dont bother about the color!But i hate black current though.. reminds me of having chilled cough syrup!

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Shoe, watch,perfume smell and finger nails.

15. Red or Pink?
Can i go with black?

16. Whom do you miss the most?
My mind.. I have absolutely no clue where it has gone to !

17. What are you listening to right now?
My puppy gloriously snoring away!Seriously i never knew that dogs snore..untill i got Hobbes home!

18. Favorite smells?
UDV.. been my perfume for the last 7 years.. cant get over it ;)

19. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mother.

20. Favorite Foods?
Not a discriminating foodie!

21. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy movies with scary endings!

22. Summer or Winter?
Summery winters !!

23. Hugs or Kisses?
I am sure this question has been included here for all the single's to woo any probable bait.. I am not falling for it :) !

24. Do you have a special talent?
I myself am a very unique talent and living with myself is the rarest talent i have ever mastered till date!

25. Favorite piece of jewelery?
Now this is definitely a suggestive question.. and i am taking the bait.. Diamond ring !!

26. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?
Really??..I met? when ? How? Who? Where?

The one last trip.........

Can it really be?

I remember giving a brief look, but i knew i wasnt looking or listening.My mind was searching for the one face which had meant the world to me, among the sea of faces around me. I could faintly hear the cries resound from somewhere but what i distinctly heard was the nadaswaram playing, the laughter of the children, the tinkle of the jewels, the sound of scurrying feet.

I could get the faint smell of agarbathi and coconut oil.

I could also get the distinct smell of jasmine and sandlewood....

They were bringing him....

I could see him walking down the aisle, clad in the traditional white mundu and with the sacred sandlewood paste smeared on his forehead.

We had waited for years for this one day.The one day which marked the culmination of the years we spent understanding each other and loving. We were sure of what lay ahead. And we wanted the blessings of the elders before we embarked on a journey for life.

I remember seeing his teasing smile as i walked in as the shy bride clad in my rich kancheepuram red saree and my head covered with jasmine and clad from neck down in gold.

As i sat down on the 'mantap' near him,I could hear him as he whispered in my ear 'See, i told you ...you would do it'.

I had always claimed i wanted a simple wedding.. and definitely no gold ornaments or kancheepuram sarees.I reciprocated with a glare.

At the auspicious moment,i prayed to all the gods in the skies above as his hands tied the 'thali' around my neck. I prayed to be given the traits to see him smile the way he was then, all his life.

They asked me to get up and come into the room......

One last time... i was told.....

I remember seeing the glee on his face as he picked up our son from my mother's hand.

He said he had planned a surprise for Aditya and me, before Adi enters his first house.

I could hear Adi cry. He must be hungry.I haven't seen him since the last evening.

He was a proud father. My heart also swelled up with pride each time i walk in home from work to see father and son cuddle up and play. It always amazed me as to how a 3 month old could manage to bring so much joy on my husband's face..something i took close to 5 years to know.

5 years, that's how long i have known him. Married for 2 years ...

My prayer's had been answered. I had seen him smile all his life, i had kept him happy all his life... but little did i realise that 'all his life' was a short time.

It was an accident,i was told.

It was just yesterday evening, when he said he was going out and will be back in an hour's time. He reluctantly gave Adi in my arms and went to change.

Inspite of all the agarbathi's and coconut oil lamps burning in the house,i could still smell his cologne, like he was standing right beside me. I could still see the sparkle in his eyes and the smile on his face.

It cant be over. My son will not even have a memory of the proud hands that held him when he was born, nor the look of joy on his father's face when his little finger curled up to hold his finger.

Three people ceased to live from the same moment..................

Questions for the day !

Why is the first step always the most difficult to take?
Why is that gestures never convey their meanings?
Why is a smile the hardest to be reciprocated?
Why is looking into the eyes the toughest thing to do?
Why are explicitly spoken words the most difficult to be comprehended?
Why are people always evaluated?

Why the heck did i wake up in the morning with these stupid questions????
I knew i shudnt have stayed up so late writing the previous post!!!!

The window seat

To get out of the depression of my last post, here goes one more !

Usually the big trip home for a vacation is endured by long hours of travel in a bus. But this time, for a change, i decided to pamper myself and take the luxury of flight journey both ways!

Talking of flight journeys, i am not a frequent traveller by flight and somehow each journey has always made me very anxious.I still remember my first trip by flight.It was to spend a vacation with my brother and sister in Dubai.Since it was my very first trip,heading all alone to a foreign land,my brother was giving me details on how to go about the formalities in the airport, each time he called. I kept pestering him over every call that he even filled up a word document on how to travel by flight and sent it to me.Finally after hearing my never ending volley of questions, my brother arranged for me alight at the sharjah airport instead of the actual dubai international airport, since he said that he was so sure i would never make it out of the airport if i alighted there(Apparently it's that big!).

Finally on the big day, my father and me started off on the regular routine of the question and answer sesssion and Do's and Do Not's. Do not talk to strangers, Do not accept any packages from strangers, Do not eat or drink anything anyone offers you. Hearing all the talks, my mother just had one comment to add, that she has no fears for me, she just fears for my fellow passengers!

With a mobile phone huddled between my ear and shoulder and my brother on the other end of the call, and with loads of baggage i trudged very bravely into the Trivandrum international airport. Standing at the entrance, i memorised for one last time all the directions that i am to follow and marched ahead. Finally after what seemed like a big ordeal, i somehow made it out to my brother's outstreched arms at the oil rich arab land.

His first question to me was, so how did you enjoy the night lights of dubai? I was dumbfound.What is he asking?I just reached now.What night life is he talking about? Seeing my expression, he asked me..didn't you get to see the night lights when your flight was about to land?

"No, i was sitting in the aisle seat.All i could see was the other passengers in the flight. "

Arrghhh... he says and tells me that he had specifically put me in for the night travel so that i could catch the beauty of lights from high above. I was hurt. I really dint know that you could fight for a window seat, like in our local buses.I made a mental note to make sure that no matter what, i will be by the window seat on my return.

The day to return came almost real soon and i could hardly believe that i had to head back.I was back at the Sharjah aiport again. And this time, while collecting my boarding pass, i put on my most innocent look and flashing my most gracious smile, i ask "Can i get a window seat pleaseeee?" .The person at the counter, takes one look at me, has another look at my passport (Probably trying to reaffirm my age!) returns my smile and hands me my pass to the window seat. My return journey was around 1:30 early morning from Dubai.So my brother had specifically asked me to watch out for the transit from the night sky to the skylight break into its golden glory. I was all excited and on boarding i hurridely rushed to my assigned seat.What do i see? One very very old grandma and her accompanying maid have already taken my seat and the adjoining one leaving only the aisle seat to me.Very graciously i ask them if they got the seats right and the old grandmom gives me look which says 'can't you just sit there and keep quiet', which is exactly what i did.Muttering under my breath and furious at having my window seat taken,i sit grumpy all throught my return journey. I dint even get to see a hint of anything which looked like the sky.

Very soon, i got the chance to relive my dreams of a window seat by the flight again when i got myself booked for the kingfisher flight from Bangalore to Trivandrum.Going through the same old procedure of flashing my most innocent question 'Can i get a window seat pleaseeeee?' [Which is always reciprocated with a questioning look by the other party..wonder why!!], i managed to get a boarding pass which read 10A.Finally my chance to see the sky from close up.I board the flight, rush to my seat and to my dismay see that it is occupied by a gentleman in a very professional business suit. I glance up at the seat numbers written and tell him that i think he is in the wrong seat. He pulls out his boarding pass and tells me his seat is 10B and that he is in the right seat. Very innocently i repeat "Sorry, but A is the window seat and B is the aisle one".Off he starts blaring out," are you trying to tell me? Do you know how many flights i have boarded and travelled in? "Ooops...i was taken aback.I dint expect to be hollered at. I had a good mind to reply to him that probably he has enjoyed many flight journeys, but this is just my third one and that i really wanted the window seat. But well, being the 'Decent and well mannered' [;)] girl that i am, i give in and fuming internally, i give up my window seat for the aisle seat again.Before the flight takes off, he propels what looks like a air pillow against the window and sets himself to doze off. Even before the plane takes off the ground, the only sound i could hear was that of his loud snores [even above the roar of the engine!]. With that dumb pillow blocking whatever little view of the sky i could have had and with his loud bull-dozer snoring sounds,it was everything i could do, not to bang his head against the sides of the plane!

So it was Strike One, Strike Two......and Strike Three ...for my window seat in an aeroplane!

Recently, i again booked myself in for air travel [this time more lavish.. i got them reserved for both ways.. To and fro..BLOR<-> TVM]. Finally, asking the same old question for the third time, i again get a boarding pass which reads some number and an 'A'. I reconfirm with the lady at the counter, if 'A' is really for window seat and she re-affirms it. I had a good mind to record her confirmation reply in my mobile, in case i come across some other jerk this time.The same old ritual again, the same old walk to my seat. And what do i see?.. The window seat.. All mine..waiting for me. I was so elated and looked all around to see if i could express my happiness to anyone around.Unfortunately no one around me looked interested in knowing about my joy on this, so i decided against it and simply settled myself in the seat, took in the scene of the airport through the little small window by my side, fastened my seat belt and smiled gleefully. Finally..i made it!

Just then, a small voice beside me says 'Excuse me'. I turn and look to see a boy who looks to be around 3, a lady [his mom]..and another girl around 5 yrs of age standing beside my seat. The lady looks at me very apologetically and tells me that she is travelling alone with her two kids, and that since it's their first time by flight, both kids want a seat by the window. I could guess the rest of the request. Putting on my most gracious smile, i move aside to make place little kenith.Little did the lady know that i was also as eager as kenny was, to sit by the window.. But i guess, the age and size difference does play a very influential role in such situations. So there went my chance again! But i must say that, even though i dint get to enjoy the window seat, i had a nice flight with kenny by my side. We kept blabbering for the one and a half hr of our flying time.

By now, i had given up all hopes of a window seat and decided not to pursue it any further. The return trip, i just stood like a normal grown up without putting forth any requests. The guy at the counter asks me 'Maam, do you have any seat preferences'?

I reply - Not really. [Point to note : i was travelling back on a wednesday evening]

He replies : 'Maam, the flight is not really full and if you prefer i can put you in for a window seat'!

Aarghh..... Now fate was taunting me!

This is probably why people say, never run behind anything. Stop running and it will eventually catch up with you!!

Once more i board the Jet airways flight with a pass to the window seat.My hopes have risen high again.I reach the seat. A very apologetic looking stewardess is standing by my seat and tells me that, since the flight just landed from Bangalore, there had been a slight 'accident' in the previous journey and apparently, the previous passenger had spilled the lunch package on the seat. It was covered with a white turkish towel.

She asks me "Would you mind sitting in the aisle seat? The flight is not full. I shall check if i can get you a better seat elsewhere".

She walks off.

I shout behind her "Please check for a window seat..................................."

I dint see her for the rest of my journey in the aisle seat.

My 5'th flight trip, my last flight trip till date.

I have decided - The next time i ever board a flight,it is going to be on my own chartered flight, with all the window seats reserved just for me!!!!!

But now when i think about this, i really find this entire incident hilarious. Harsh lesson learnt, no matter how hard i try, unless i am destined for it, i dont get it...........whatever be it. A lesson i will always remember in my life. A lesson which has taught me not to have expectations in life.....

But someday...i really do want to sit by the window seat and see the sky or the moon or the cities below or the deep blue oceans or the snow capped mountains..or atleast the flight's wings......... [;).. i dont really change!!!].

Consistant change

Well, apparently my last post was a bit too 'pinky'.True,it did indeed get a little too mushy and i am definitely not the girl who likes pink,but to sum it up,let's just say that every girl has a feminine side and every guy,...... a rich side to him!! [;)].

Just back after a very refreshing long vacation. Each time i am back from a vacation i always realise that i am more in need of a vacation than when i was when i left for home. Each visit to my home, i decide that this one visit i am just going to sit and loiter around home and be a nuisance to my parents. But invariably, each visit i hardly get to be with them or at home.It's only when i am about to board the bus (For a change, this time it was by air!) that i see my parents face and realise that i dint get to sit home and exchange my stories. That's when i feel the biggest tug at my heart and just want to jump out and head back home.

Each one of visits home had always been like going back down memory lane for me. But this visit was one heck of a shocker for me. On every other vacation,every time i walk in with my bags, the house had always looked the same, as it was 2 and half years ago when i had walked out to set a place for myself in this big big world. I always felt like i was just returning after a day at college rather than coming back from an entirely different state after three to four months.It hardly took me less than five minutes at home to feel like i never left home, like i had always been there all the while. But this when i walked in, my room with the big cot and my computer table and my treasured book collections.. everything was different.The cots had been moved aside and re arranged.My computer which i had always maintained as the centre piece in my room had been moved to one far corner of the room, hardly seen and used.The big huge shelf which held all the books me and my brother lovingly treasured looked like a famine had hit it. One minute in the room and the next thing which i did was shout out 'ammmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaa'!

Frantic my mother came running out from her workplace - the Kitchen. What happened to the cots? Why was my computer table moved aside? Whatever happened to more than half the books in the shelves? All my tinkles,Archies,Chandamama's,Champaks, my enid blyton collections, my brother's war time books, the sidney sheldons,my college reference books,even the lab record books right from school..i never let my mother throw out any book....I have a perfect count of each and every book in that house. Very dramatically i opened my cupboards and even the clothes in there were missing.Instead it was all stuffed with the un-usable items in the house and many stuffed dolls (Thank god they survived!).What happened to all the clothes which were mine.. the ones i grew up wearing?

I was bombarding my mother with a zillion questions all at the same time. And she was just giving me a very quizzical look and looking very surprised.I am sure that for a moment she even thought that i had gone mad. One by one she started giving me answers.

a)You have outgrown all the clothes in there.I have given them away to the maid's kids.

b) The kids in the apartement come asking for books to read or for reference.I let them check and take whatever book they like.

c)No one uses the computer anymore.Why should it take up so much space in the middle of the room?

Noooooooo..i yell. The clothes.They are just mine. Ones i have been wearing for so many years now.My books, my collection,..aarghh..Frustrated my mother leaves the room to resume her work around the house.I am still left in the middle of 'my room'..which held nothing which was mine anymore.I felt like a stranger standing in the middle of nowhere. The room held no signs of the person who grew up in there. I had papers stuck all around the wall near the computer table, my timetables in college, prayers i loved to read, names of my favourite books i need to buy,movies i watched..and even few song's lyrics. None of them were around anymore.

I realised that 'my room' was now just a 'guest room' in my parent's house.The one place in this world where i felt my presence existed.. well i just felt it diminishing.Gradually as the realisation was sinking into me, i felt the pang of the pain that at this stage in my life,i am just really a traveller.The house in bangalore just feels like a temporary phase. Till i settle down into something more permanent in life, everything around me is just a phase.Something for me to think about and ponder over when i am reminiscing in my couch probably 30-40 years later.

The only thing which is ever consistant in life is change.........