Accidental marriage

 I knew the title would get many of you! Well, it's been over a week since I posted anything, so I guess any little interest in this blog would have waned by now. I certainly needed something unique to get any of you to go beyond the title!

No. The title wasn't just for attention. Something really did happen. Well, many things did happen. But of significance is the fact that I have unknowingly surrendered myself to Krishna. In a way, maybe even married to him, without my knowledge and possibly his too! So till any of this makes any sense to me, I am going to believe this was in some form or manner a divine intervention. Cuckoo much?

Let's dive into the details. You all know how much I adore Krishna. Not in a religious fanatic way. Just in a pure devotion sort of way. Maybe even something of a deep friendship and romanticism. Probably because he is really the only man ever to listen to me, everything I have ever had to say. He has never ridiculed me, criticized me, humiliated me, never tried to get me to do his bidding, allowed me my space and identity... You know, a lot of things that earthly men have never been able to do. So in a way, he and his world were very close to my heart. A visit to Vrindavan in India has been on the bucket list for many years. Since that seems a very far reality at this juncture in my life, I took the closest I could get. A visit to the new Vrindavan in my current country of residence. I went there without many expectations. In fact, I lured my family to travel along with me by promises of lakeside cabins, free food, and peacock sightings. 

The place honestly felt like a trip back home. Agreed, it was swamped by people from my country, and the facilities also definitely showed that. But somehow being among my people, in his land, and joining in on worshipping him like I would have back home, that was indeed a break I really needed. 

I woke up at 4AM every morning I was there. For a change, not to hit the gym. But to shower and head out for a serene walk by the lake. By myself. To watch the swans. And the many, many peacocks with their beautiful, fanned out feathers, simply strolling the paths beside me. Watching the sun slowly rise above the mountains and set the temple's golden tip ablaze. My favorite was joining the 'Mangala Aarti' every morning at 5AM ( waking up the deities). The singing, the dancing, and the meditation absolutely grounded me in ways I did not expect. 

I spent hours volunteering in the temple kitchen and helping with the making of the free prasadam (food). I got myself the much-revered tilak every single day I was there. I became someone I never was. 

After our 3 days there, literally seconds before I went into the car for our return drive, I made a quick stop at the gift shop right outside the temple. We had been there multiple times during our stay there, so I do not even know why I wanted to head in. But on impulse, the first thing that caught my eye was a blessed 'Tulsi Mala' (Basil seeds necklace). I purchased it, wore it right away, and got into the car. Did not think much. Until two days later. When, during a casual conversation with an acquaintance, she asked me 'How difficult was it to live the Tulsi Mala life'. I had no idea what she was referring to. She looked appalled. Then saw my confusion. She was kind enough to explain - 

Wearing a sacred, blessed Tulsi mala is a symbol of surrender, devotion, and allegiance to Lord Vishnu or Krishna (Vaishnavism). It acts as a spiritual tool to protect the wearer, purify the mind, and maintain a mindful, spiritual lifestyle. Meaning no non-vegetarian food, no eggs, no smoking, no alcohol, no intoxicants, no caffeine, no onions/garlic. And most importantly, since this was the blessed necklace, worn in two layers, it could only be removed after consultation with a guru. 

I am no religious sucker. But once I find out that there could be possible repercussions if something is not done right, then I would rather not risk anything!

So there I was, with the sudden realization that I had surrendered myself, unknowingly, to someone I have always loved the most. But not quite been following the rules of what that entailed. Should I just take it off and pretend like nothing ever happened? Or should I consider that this was indeed some sort of divine intervention? Pondering over these questions, it has been over 7 days now, and I still haven't reached a decision. Sure yes. I have given up on everything that the rule books say I should. I have taken consultations from experts in the field ( apparently, caffeine and onions/garlic are for the 3 loop necklaces and not my 2 loop necklace!). But no one I spoke to could put my mind at ease that taking it off would be as simple as putting it on had been. 

And thus here I am, in a sort of accidental marriage that I am utterly happy about but still learning to navigate, like any new bride!

And while I have it on, I proudly flaunt my new accessory and am happy embodying the little things in life that keep me closer to him, a lot closer than I have ever been. 

Ps: Unlike every other post I have made in over a decade, this is going to be the very first post where I attach my own face as the image. Simply because this version of me lasted just the 3 days I was there, but I was in a space I really don't have many words to describe, except maybe - love?

And no - The only thing that has stayed with me from this image is the necklace of beads. The forehead drawing was solely for enjoying the serenity in the space while I was there.