After tweaking around with the layout and the design of the blog, I realized I should finally get down to doing what I should be doing with the blog - Write! It's been so long since I have penned my thoughts here, that today, when I missed talking to my inner voice, I felt the urge to get back to my blog and so here I am ... back again and with so much to write. I wish I knew how and where to start. With so many topics to address, I am going to let my organizational skills take over, so here goes:
a) First of all, I have been going through all the posts here and I noticed quite a few new comments on most posts I haven't trespassed in ages. I am extremely apologetic for not having replied to these posts. It's very rude on my part, for not appreciating/replying to people who actually took time out to read and comment here. I express my heartfelt sincere apologies in this public forum.
b) And now, as I write this, I am once again shouting out my glee to be married to my best friend :)! He was the first person who introduced me to the wonderful world of writing. Nine years ago, in an online chat window he tells me 'Type to me 5 things about you' and now many many chat windows,letters,emails and text messages later,he tells me 'Type to me ONLY 5 things about you' ! Well my darling, you are the one who got me started on writing..so bear with it..for the rest of our lives :) !
c) Aah and now to really move onto my favourite area of the post..
After a prolonged stay in kerala, I am headed back to bangalore to resume my life as the software engineer in the IT world. Due to lack of energy, I had decided to move on in luxury and booked myself into Indigo for an expensive, lesser travel time option to bangalore. My pre travel mood was foul as I was quite homesick in leaving after being pampered at home for close to a month. On boarding the flight, I noticed an elderly couple in the adjacent seat.
After the flight take off, the steward came forward with the food and beverages. When asked if they would prefer tea or coffee, the couple happily ordered for 2 cups of coffee. When after being served the coffee, they were told to pay up the amount of 120 INR, I could see the shocked look on the aunty's face and the bewilderment on the uncle's face. I could fathom that they hadnt expected to be charged for it. Once the payment was cleared and the steward moved on, the aunty rebuked her husband in the usual wifey tone 'I thought you said they serve everything free of cost! 120 rs for 2 cups of coffee..I could've served you coffee for 1 month in that cost!' and the uncle very sweetly replied 'Yes! but you would be drinking the coffee on land and not in the air'. At this very sweet statement, I couldn't help but smile. This was the ice breaker for us to start on the introductions. The aunty very sweetly turned to me and admitted that they had no clue the coffee would be charged. One topic led to another and this is how it was (in malayalam):
Aunty: So you work in bangalore?
Me: Yes aunty
Aunty: Are you married?
Me: Yes aunty. And my husband is currently working in Kerala.
Aunty: So you came home to visit your parents?
Me: Yes, was with my parents and in-laws home.
After a few thoughtful moments:
Aunty: We are going to see our grand daughter. Our son's daughter. she is 6 months old now. They had the delivery from bangalore itself since our son could not take time off from his work. My daughter in law's parents were there for the past 6 months to help them. Now they are going to look after their second daughter who just delivered, so our son is flying us out to help with the baby.
I try to read her face to understand the emotion she is trying to express so that I could offer an approproate reaction to her statement. My 2 options for a response were 'wow' - if my study of her face revealed happiness at the above statement or just an 'Oh' if it dint.
Before I could offer a reply, the uncle who was a silent spectator to our conversation until then, pitched in 'I hope our neighbours look after the cows properly. And my plants, I hope kannan remembers to water them every day. You closed the attic windows, dint you?' The aunty gives a silent nod.
Both of them go silent again.
To avoid an awkward silence, I ask them where they live in Trivandrum.
Aunty: you might not know, we dont live in the city. We live in the outskirts, near parassala.
I admit I am not very familiar with the place.
Aunty: It's not like the city. You see, uncle loves gardening so we have a huge garden around the place. We even have a few farm animals. Our day's are spent more outside the house than inside.It's going to be a big change for us you know. This is the first time we are even travelling outside kerala. Our son speaks very good english, so we wont have a problem in bangalore na mole? Both of us dont speak english you see. Anyways, I don't think we have to go out anywhere. Both of them go for work in the morning, so we will be with the baby only. In today's world, not enough we bring up our children, we also have to bring up our grandchildren alle mole..
I offer a smile. As there really was nothing more I could offer to her conversation, she smiled and settled herself for a nap.
She had set my thinking cells ON. I glance at her hands resting on the side. They arent well manicured or dainty. They were coarse and tarnished. They spoke volumes of the number of the times she had spent cutting,scrubbing,cleaning and mopping. They were the hands of a devoted hard working mother. They arent spared even in old age. They are prepared for more scrubbing and cleaning and cutting.
When it's time for the children to take up parenting their parents, here they are..travelling miles to take up the role of parenting again. I do not judge the son here or any other sons or daughters. I just feel an overwhelming sense of sadness in realizing what a selfish generation we have turned out to be. It's always about our jobs, our career, our children, our home. While we dont want to close down our cramped little apartment even for a day, we expect our parents to shut down their entire lives (their house, their pets, their friends) and travel down to start a new life at our place.
I am no different. I am expecting my parents to travel down and come be with me. I am no saint but I am no daughter either.. I know I will also be just another mother who wants nothing but the best for her daughter/son even if it means having my parents give up everything and come to start a new future for my kid!
Well, this arrangement has its positive side too. Like every coin, this too has it's 2 faces. However at the moment, when I see the elderly couple trying to adjust to the new relocation, my thoughts are more oriented towards the not-so-positive facts of life.
Footnote: With my recitation of each day's events, my husband has judged it best for me to be sleeping during travel. He claims I intrude on other people's privacy by observing too much and posting it on my blog! I don't think that's true. All my writings have been very generic. I take no names. However just to be safe, here's my disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely a coincidence and not intentional
a) First of all, I have been going through all the posts here and I noticed quite a few new comments on most posts I haven't trespassed in ages. I am extremely apologetic for not having replied to these posts. It's very rude on my part, for not appreciating/replying to people who actually took time out to read and comment here. I express my heartfelt sincere apologies in this public forum.
b) And now, as I write this, I am once again shouting out my glee to be married to my best friend :)! He was the first person who introduced me to the wonderful world of writing. Nine years ago, in an online chat window he tells me 'Type to me 5 things about you' and now many many chat windows,letters,emails and text messages later,he tells me 'Type to me ONLY 5 things about you' ! Well my darling, you are the one who got me started on writing..so bear with it..for the rest of our lives :) !
c) Aah and now to really move onto my favourite area of the post..
After a prolonged stay in kerala, I am headed back to bangalore to resume my life as the software engineer in the IT world. Due to lack of energy, I had decided to move on in luxury and booked myself into Indigo for an expensive, lesser travel time option to bangalore. My pre travel mood was foul as I was quite homesick in leaving after being pampered at home for close to a month. On boarding the flight, I noticed an elderly couple in the adjacent seat.
After the flight take off, the steward came forward with the food and beverages. When asked if they would prefer tea or coffee, the couple happily ordered for 2 cups of coffee. When after being served the coffee, they were told to pay up the amount of 120 INR, I could see the shocked look on the aunty's face and the bewilderment on the uncle's face. I could fathom that they hadnt expected to be charged for it. Once the payment was cleared and the steward moved on, the aunty rebuked her husband in the usual wifey tone 'I thought you said they serve everything free of cost! 120 rs for 2 cups of coffee..I could've served you coffee for 1 month in that cost!' and the uncle very sweetly replied 'Yes! but you would be drinking the coffee on land and not in the air'. At this very sweet statement, I couldn't help but smile. This was the ice breaker for us to start on the introductions. The aunty very sweetly turned to me and admitted that they had no clue the coffee would be charged. One topic led to another and this is how it was (in malayalam):
Aunty: So you work in bangalore?
Me: Yes aunty
Aunty: Are you married?
Me: Yes aunty. And my husband is currently working in Kerala.
Aunty: So you came home to visit your parents?
Me: Yes, was with my parents and in-laws home.
After a few thoughtful moments:
Aunty: We are going to see our grand daughter. Our son's daughter. she is 6 months old now. They had the delivery from bangalore itself since our son could not take time off from his work. My daughter in law's parents were there for the past 6 months to help them. Now they are going to look after their second daughter who just delivered, so our son is flying us out to help with the baby.
I try to read her face to understand the emotion she is trying to express so that I could offer an approproate reaction to her statement. My 2 options for a response were 'wow' - if my study of her face revealed happiness at the above statement or just an 'Oh' if it dint.
Before I could offer a reply, the uncle who was a silent spectator to our conversation until then, pitched in 'I hope our neighbours look after the cows properly. And my plants, I hope kannan remembers to water them every day. You closed the attic windows, dint you?' The aunty gives a silent nod.
Both of them go silent again.
To avoid an awkward silence, I ask them where they live in Trivandrum.
Aunty: you might not know, we dont live in the city. We live in the outskirts, near parassala.
I admit I am not very familiar with the place.
Aunty: It's not like the city. You see, uncle loves gardening so we have a huge garden around the place. We even have a few farm animals. Our day's are spent more outside the house than inside.It's going to be a big change for us you know. This is the first time we are even travelling outside kerala. Our son speaks very good english, so we wont have a problem in bangalore na mole? Both of us dont speak english you see. Anyways, I don't think we have to go out anywhere. Both of them go for work in the morning, so we will be with the baby only. In today's world, not enough we bring up our children, we also have to bring up our grandchildren alle mole..
I offer a smile. As there really was nothing more I could offer to her conversation, she smiled and settled herself for a nap.
She had set my thinking cells ON. I glance at her hands resting on the side. They arent well manicured or dainty. They were coarse and tarnished. They spoke volumes of the number of the times she had spent cutting,scrubbing,cleaning and mopping. They were the hands of a devoted hard working mother. They arent spared even in old age. They are prepared for more scrubbing and cleaning and cutting.
When it's time for the children to take up parenting their parents, here they are..travelling miles to take up the role of parenting again. I do not judge the son here or any other sons or daughters. I just feel an overwhelming sense of sadness in realizing what a selfish generation we have turned out to be. It's always about our jobs, our career, our children, our home. While we dont want to close down our cramped little apartment even for a day, we expect our parents to shut down their entire lives (their house, their pets, their friends) and travel down to start a new life at our place.
I am no different. I am expecting my parents to travel down and come be with me. I am no saint but I am no daughter either.. I know I will also be just another mother who wants nothing but the best for her daughter/son even if it means having my parents give up everything and come to start a new future for my kid!
Well, this arrangement has its positive side too. Like every coin, this too has it's 2 faces. However at the moment, when I see the elderly couple trying to adjust to the new relocation, my thoughts are more oriented towards the not-so-positive facts of life.
Footnote: With my recitation of each day's events, my husband has judged it best for me to be sleeping during travel. He claims I intrude on other people's privacy by observing too much and posting it on my blog! I don't think that's true. All my writings have been very generic. I take no names. However just to be safe, here's my disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely a coincidence and not intentional
9 comments:
I would say you should observe more. You have left me hanging regarding whether 'aunty' was happy going to B'lore or not; whether your response should have been 'Wow' or 'Oh'. :( I guess we'll never know.
Hello Anoop,
Thank you for the comment :)
I am in the same dilema as you.. I still have no clue as to what my reaction should have been. I have portrayed it as I pictured it. Maybe even as we speak, aunty has forgotten the home in Trivandrum and is playing along with her new found joy of bundle :)
Hey Deepthi... :) yeah,i've seen and heard elderly couples being "transported" out of their zone of comfort many a time just to be "un-paid" babysitters for their children, which i must say is sad!
Going for a vacation is one thing, but going to look after their grandchildren just because their children have no time and this whole adjustment would turn out cheaper than keeping a sitter/maid,is another! What hurt most is when i heard an elderly male patient lament "Aaah, what to do Doctor, this is life.When they were young we looked after them.Now we are old and my wife is there(america)with the kids and i am here to look after our property.We cant even live together in our old age!" :( When will "children" ever grow up,i wonder???
The power of observation is what makes a good writer. :)
Like you said, we can't really blame the son for expecting his parents to look after his kid. The cost of living os so high these days, one can't manage with just one person's salary. Hence, both husband and wife have to work. So it becomes difficult to look after the child. But somehow, I feel it's better that the grandparents look after hte child rather than leave them in the daycare for hours. What say?
And glad you're back to writing. Hope you won't disappear again. :)
Beautifully written Deeps. It takes an incident or too to bring us back to ground reality.
I've always believed in the circle of life... the situations we make our parents go through today... may be the same ones we'll go through many years later and so on...
So the best thing to do..is to do the best things... :)
Like I said..Happiness is a journey not a destination.
Hi Deepthi, Well observed….
There is a famous saying that Love flows only in one direction. As you said, the thought of asking parents to parent their grandchildren would bring in a sense of anxiety in people of our time because implicitly we also expect this from our parents as well. I do not blame anyone, cause the way I see it, it’s the western winds of change that is half blowing right now, it would be complete when our parents start to reject the lucrative parenting offer. It would be interesting to see how many would spear a weekend getaway to some exotic resort to just go and visit their parents in the outskirts of Parashala which today being fortunate/unfortunate to live the NY life, Indian style, we refuse to accept being from. Successful are those who keeps the affection bi-directional & it’s tough!!!
Cheers,
Anumodh
To TheSharkWriter, Spaceman Spiff, Shiff and Anumodh.. thank you very much for the thoughtful comments.
@TheSharkWriter: feel sorry for the elderly patient :(..but that's the state of life today !
@Spaceman Spiff: Yes, like I mentioned, there are 2 sides to this coin too. The bright side being the fact that we know what a good job our parents did in bringing us up..we would be proud to see the same being instilled in our children rather than being spoon fed by some montessori trained teacher :)!
@Shiff: True.. we learn to make the best of the situation.
@Anumodh: Loved the last statement in your reply..the part about the bi directional flow of affection.. Do not be surprised if you see it being used in any of my future posts :)..hope you havent copyrighted it !
Blashphemy !! i never said you should have slept through the journey !!! It was a heartwrenching story....especially hearing you narrate it to me... Lovely post deeps
Heheheh Buntu..Your exact words were 'Deepse..full time veena playing effect aayallo di..Why do you observe such depressing things..cudnt you have just slept in the flight' ;)! Me too have a good memory okk..!!!
Thanks for the comment dear! Its great to know that my mentor is still mentoring me :) !
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