The one last trip.........

Can it really be?

I remember giving a brief look, but i knew i wasnt looking or listening.My mind was searching for the one face which had meant the world to me, among the sea of faces around me. I could faintly hear the cries resound from somewhere but what i distinctly heard was the nadaswaram playing, the laughter of the children, the tinkle of the jewels, the sound of scurrying feet.

I could get the faint smell of agarbathi and coconut oil.

I could also get the distinct smell of jasmine and sandlewood....

They were bringing him....

I could see him walking down the aisle, clad in the traditional white mundu and with the sacred sandlewood paste smeared on his forehead.

We had waited for years for this one day.The one day which marked the culmination of the years we spent understanding each other and loving. We were sure of what lay ahead. And we wanted the blessings of the elders before we embarked on a journey for life.

I remember seeing his teasing smile as i walked in as the shy bride clad in my rich kancheepuram red saree and my head covered with jasmine and clad from neck down in gold.

As i sat down on the 'mantap' near him,I could hear him as he whispered in my ear 'See, i told you ...you would do it'.

I had always claimed i wanted a simple wedding.. and definitely no gold ornaments or kancheepuram sarees.I reciprocated with a glare.

At the auspicious moment,i prayed to all the gods in the skies above as his hands tied the 'thali' around my neck. I prayed to be given the traits to see him smile the way he was then, all his life.

They asked me to get up and come into the room......

One last time... i was told.....

I remember seeing the glee on his face as he picked up our son from my mother's hand.

He said he had planned a surprise for Aditya and me, before Adi enters his first house.

I could hear Adi cry. He must be hungry.I haven't seen him since the last evening.

He was a proud father. My heart also swelled up with pride each time i walk in home from work to see father and son cuddle up and play. It always amazed me as to how a 3 month old could manage to bring so much joy on my husband's face..something i took close to 5 years to know.

5 years, that's how long i have known him. Married for 2 years ...

My prayer's had been answered. I had seen him smile all his life, i had kept him happy all his life... but little did i realise that 'all his life' was a short time.

It was an accident,i was told.

It was just yesterday evening, when he said he was going out and will be back in an hour's time. He reluctantly gave Adi in my arms and went to change.

Inspite of all the agarbathi's and coconut oil lamps burning in the house,i could still smell his cologne, like he was standing right beside me. I could still see the sparkle in his eyes and the smile on his face.

It cant be over. My son will not even have a memory of the proud hands that held him when he was born, nor the look of joy on his father's face when his little finger curled up to hold his finger.

Three people ceased to live from the same moment..................

Questions for the day !

Why is the first step always the most difficult to take?
Why is that gestures never convey their meanings?
Why is a smile the hardest to be reciprocated?
Why is looking into the eyes the toughest thing to do?
Why are explicitly spoken words the most difficult to be comprehended?
Why are people always evaluated?

Why the heck did i wake up in the morning with these stupid questions????
I knew i shudnt have stayed up so late writing the previous post!!!!

The window seat

To get out of the depression of my last post, here goes one more !

Usually the big trip home for a vacation is endured by long hours of travel in a bus. But this time, for a change, i decided to pamper myself and take the luxury of flight journey both ways!

Talking of flight journeys, i am not a frequent traveller by flight and somehow each journey has always made me very anxious.I still remember my first trip by flight.It was to spend a vacation with my brother and sister in Dubai.Since it was my very first trip,heading all alone to a foreign land,my brother was giving me details on how to go about the formalities in the airport, each time he called. I kept pestering him over every call that he even filled up a word document on how to travel by flight and sent it to me.Finally after hearing my never ending volley of questions, my brother arranged for me alight at the sharjah airport instead of the actual dubai international airport, since he said that he was so sure i would never make it out of the airport if i alighted there(Apparently it's that big!).

Finally on the big day, my father and me started off on the regular routine of the question and answer sesssion and Do's and Do Not's. Do not talk to strangers, Do not accept any packages from strangers, Do not eat or drink anything anyone offers you. Hearing all the talks, my mother just had one comment to add, that she has no fears for me, she just fears for my fellow passengers!

With a mobile phone huddled between my ear and shoulder and my brother on the other end of the call, and with loads of baggage i trudged very bravely into the Trivandrum international airport. Standing at the entrance, i memorised for one last time all the directions that i am to follow and marched ahead. Finally after what seemed like a big ordeal, i somehow made it out to my brother's outstreched arms at the oil rich arab land.

His first question to me was, so how did you enjoy the night lights of dubai? I was dumbfound.What is he asking?I just reached now.What night life is he talking about? Seeing my expression, he asked me..didn't you get to see the night lights when your flight was about to land?

"No, i was sitting in the aisle seat.All i could see was the other passengers in the flight. "

Arrghhh... he says and tells me that he had specifically put me in for the night travel so that i could catch the beauty of lights from high above. I was hurt. I really dint know that you could fight for a window seat, like in our local buses.I made a mental note to make sure that no matter what, i will be by the window seat on my return.

The day to return came almost real soon and i could hardly believe that i had to head back.I was back at the Sharjah aiport again. And this time, while collecting my boarding pass, i put on my most innocent look and flashing my most gracious smile, i ask "Can i get a window seat pleaseeee?" .The person at the counter, takes one look at me, has another look at my passport (Probably trying to reaffirm my age!) returns my smile and hands me my pass to the window seat. My return journey was around 1:30 early morning from Dubai.So my brother had specifically asked me to watch out for the transit from the night sky to the skylight break into its golden glory. I was all excited and on boarding i hurridely rushed to my assigned seat.What do i see? One very very old grandma and her accompanying maid have already taken my seat and the adjoining one leaving only the aisle seat to me.Very graciously i ask them if they got the seats right and the old grandmom gives me look which says 'can't you just sit there and keep quiet', which is exactly what i did.Muttering under my breath and furious at having my window seat taken,i sit grumpy all throught my return journey. I dint even get to see a hint of anything which looked like the sky.

Very soon, i got the chance to relive my dreams of a window seat by the flight again when i got myself booked for the kingfisher flight from Bangalore to Trivandrum.Going through the same old procedure of flashing my most innocent question 'Can i get a window seat pleaseeeee?' [Which is always reciprocated with a questioning look by the other party..wonder why!!], i managed to get a boarding pass which read 10A.Finally my chance to see the sky from close up.I board the flight, rush to my seat and to my dismay see that it is occupied by a gentleman in a very professional business suit. I glance up at the seat numbers written and tell him that i think he is in the wrong seat. He pulls out his boarding pass and tells me his seat is 10B and that he is in the right seat. Very innocently i repeat "Sorry, but A is the window seat and B is the aisle one".Off he starts blaring out," are you trying to tell me? Do you know how many flights i have boarded and travelled in? "Ooops...i was taken aback.I dint expect to be hollered at. I had a good mind to reply to him that probably he has enjoyed many flight journeys, but this is just my third one and that i really wanted the window seat. But well, being the 'Decent and well mannered' [;)] girl that i am, i give in and fuming internally, i give up my window seat for the aisle seat again.Before the flight takes off, he propels what looks like a air pillow against the window and sets himself to doze off. Even before the plane takes off the ground, the only sound i could hear was that of his loud snores [even above the roar of the engine!]. With that dumb pillow blocking whatever little view of the sky i could have had and with his loud bull-dozer snoring sounds,it was everything i could do, not to bang his head against the sides of the plane!

So it was Strike One, Strike Two......and Strike Three ...for my window seat in an aeroplane!

Recently, i again booked myself in for air travel [this time more lavish.. i got them reserved for both ways.. To and fro..BLOR<-> TVM]. Finally, asking the same old question for the third time, i again get a boarding pass which reads some number and an 'A'. I reconfirm with the lady at the counter, if 'A' is really for window seat and she re-affirms it. I had a good mind to record her confirmation reply in my mobile, in case i come across some other jerk this time.The same old ritual again, the same old walk to my seat. And what do i see?.. The window seat.. All mine..waiting for me. I was so elated and looked all around to see if i could express my happiness to anyone around.Unfortunately no one around me looked interested in knowing about my joy on this, so i decided against it and simply settled myself in the seat, took in the scene of the airport through the little small window by my side, fastened my seat belt and smiled gleefully. Finally..i made it!

Just then, a small voice beside me says 'Excuse me'. I turn and look to see a boy who looks to be around 3, a lady [his mom]..and another girl around 5 yrs of age standing beside my seat. The lady looks at me very apologetically and tells me that she is travelling alone with her two kids, and that since it's their first time by flight, both kids want a seat by the window. I could guess the rest of the request. Putting on my most gracious smile, i move aside to make place little kenith.Little did the lady know that i was also as eager as kenny was, to sit by the window.. But i guess, the age and size difference does play a very influential role in such situations. So there went my chance again! But i must say that, even though i dint get to enjoy the window seat, i had a nice flight with kenny by my side. We kept blabbering for the one and a half hr of our flying time.

By now, i had given up all hopes of a window seat and decided not to pursue it any further. The return trip, i just stood like a normal grown up without putting forth any requests. The guy at the counter asks me 'Maam, do you have any seat preferences'?

I reply - Not really. [Point to note : i was travelling back on a wednesday evening]

He replies : 'Maam, the flight is not really full and if you prefer i can put you in for a window seat'!

Aarghh..... Now fate was taunting me!

This is probably why people say, never run behind anything. Stop running and it will eventually catch up with you!!

Once more i board the Jet airways flight with a pass to the window seat.My hopes have risen high again.I reach the seat. A very apologetic looking stewardess is standing by my seat and tells me that, since the flight just landed from Bangalore, there had been a slight 'accident' in the previous journey and apparently, the previous passenger had spilled the lunch package on the seat. It was covered with a white turkish towel.

She asks me "Would you mind sitting in the aisle seat? The flight is not full. I shall check if i can get you a better seat elsewhere".

She walks off.

I shout behind her "Please check for a window seat..................................."

I dint see her for the rest of my journey in the aisle seat.

My 5'th flight trip, my last flight trip till date.

I have decided - The next time i ever board a flight,it is going to be on my own chartered flight, with all the window seats reserved just for me!!!!!

But now when i think about this, i really find this entire incident hilarious. Harsh lesson learnt, no matter how hard i try, unless i am destined for it, i dont get it...........whatever be it. A lesson i will always remember in my life. A lesson which has taught me not to have expectations in life.....

But someday...i really do want to sit by the window seat and see the sky or the moon or the cities below or the deep blue oceans or the snow capped mountains..or atleast the flight's wings......... [;).. i dont really change!!!].

Consistant change

Well, apparently my last post was a bit too 'pinky'.True,it did indeed get a little too mushy and i am definitely not the girl who likes pink,but to sum it up,let's just say that every girl has a feminine side and every guy,...... a rich side to him!! [;)].

Just back after a very refreshing long vacation. Each time i am back from a vacation i always realise that i am more in need of a vacation than when i was when i left for home. Each visit to my home, i decide that this one visit i am just going to sit and loiter around home and be a nuisance to my parents. But invariably, each visit i hardly get to be with them or at home.It's only when i am about to board the bus (For a change, this time it was by air!) that i see my parents face and realise that i dint get to sit home and exchange my stories. That's when i feel the biggest tug at my heart and just want to jump out and head back home.

Each one of visits home had always been like going back down memory lane for me. But this visit was one heck of a shocker for me. On every other vacation,every time i walk in with my bags, the house had always looked the same, as it was 2 and half years ago when i had walked out to set a place for myself in this big big world. I always felt like i was just returning after a day at college rather than coming back from an entirely different state after three to four months.It hardly took me less than five minutes at home to feel like i never left home, like i had always been there all the while. But this when i walked in, my room with the big cot and my computer table and my treasured book collections.. everything was different.The cots had been moved aside and re arranged.My computer which i had always maintained as the centre piece in my room had been moved to one far corner of the room, hardly seen and used.The big huge shelf which held all the books me and my brother lovingly treasured looked like a famine had hit it. One minute in the room and the next thing which i did was shout out 'ammmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaa'!

Frantic my mother came running out from her workplace - the Kitchen. What happened to the cots? Why was my computer table moved aside? Whatever happened to more than half the books in the shelves? All my tinkles,Archies,Chandamama's,Champaks, my enid blyton collections, my brother's war time books, the sidney sheldons,my college reference books,even the lab record books right from school..i never let my mother throw out any book....I have a perfect count of each and every book in that house. Very dramatically i opened my cupboards and even the clothes in there were missing.Instead it was all stuffed with the un-usable items in the house and many stuffed dolls (Thank god they survived!).What happened to all the clothes which were mine.. the ones i grew up wearing?

I was bombarding my mother with a zillion questions all at the same time. And she was just giving me a very quizzical look and looking very surprised.I am sure that for a moment she even thought that i had gone mad. One by one she started giving me answers.

a)You have outgrown all the clothes in there.I have given them away to the maid's kids.

b) The kids in the apartement come asking for books to read or for reference.I let them check and take whatever book they like.

c)No one uses the computer anymore.Why should it take up so much space in the middle of the room?

Noooooooo..i yell. The clothes.They are just mine. Ones i have been wearing for so many years now.My books, my collection,..aarghh..Frustrated my mother leaves the room to resume her work around the house.I am still left in the middle of 'my room'..which held nothing which was mine anymore.I felt like a stranger standing in the middle of nowhere. The room held no signs of the person who grew up in there. I had papers stuck all around the wall near the computer table, my timetables in college, prayers i loved to read, names of my favourite books i need to buy,movies i watched..and even few song's lyrics. None of them were around anymore.

I realised that 'my room' was now just a 'guest room' in my parent's house.The one place in this world where i felt my presence existed.. well i just felt it diminishing.Gradually as the realisation was sinking into me, i felt the pang of the pain that at this stage in my life,i am just really a traveller.The house in bangalore just feels like a temporary phase. Till i settle down into something more permanent in life, everything around me is just a phase.Something for me to think about and ponder over when i am reminiscing in my couch probably 30-40 years later.

The only thing which is ever consistant in life is change.........

Matters of the heart..does it really matter?

So another long weekend ahead..(actually its just a weekend ahead..the one extra day is already over with no big difference). Maybe just one small difference..nichu (my roomie nishmi..lovingly called as 'nichu' by near and dear) got a huge new fridge for our house..so it was cooking time.Slurppp...fish curry and steamin hot rice..that too self cooked..speechless!! [;)]..hats off to us.And the fridge has been stocked up with all possible (junk) goodies!

PS: This post is going to be a long one..so please tread onto this only if you have the patience for it.

The day started off pretty much like any other day. Got a bit of great news from mom the first thing in the morning.We came to know more details about the cute little new addition to our family..due in august(Bro and sis are thrilled!)!So it was a loud 'Awwwwwww..chooo chweet' with which,me and nichu began the day.Little did we know that the rest of the day was going to follow suit and either be an 'Awwwww' or an 'Oh crap!!'.

Eventually,after all the hustle-bustle of the day, towards late evening,me and nichu settled down to catch a little television and the first channel we chanced upon was HBO, which was showing the last few scenes of 'Run AWay Bride'.Yeah..you guessed it right. The part where Julia Roberts hands over her 'running sneakers' to Richard Gere[He is one handsome man!I simply adore his hair!] and its the cute little long speech she makes while she proposes to him. Well..yeah..it was a loud long 'Awwwwww' which escaped from both of us and it was pindrop silence in the room till the end of the movie.I presume it was somewhere then that the same thought struck both of us...but we carried on with the silence [Please dont get any wrong ideas!] and proceeded to get the laptop and check out what the rest of the world is doing.So orkut it was and almost simultaneously, it was 'Oh Crap' from both of us.

Now the interesting part..since we both have known each other from college, our friend's lists are pretty much the same. And obviously the updates which we get from our friends are also the same.So moving onto the reason the forbidden words escaped from us. All the updates were either about new wedding photos or new born's photos uploaded..and not just from girls but also from guys who studied with us! [Quoting nichu..'This guy was in my class in fourth std..even he is married!'].

Thats how we started off on the topic on how some people just get so lucky and how unfair life can be to some. Life is indeed strange.Just when you think you are almost there, you realise that it was all just a mirage and that one blink of the eye can take away the entire picture.But for the lucky few, life is a firm portrait, drawn and colored the way their heart desires.

Eventually me and nichu embarked on the topic of the matters of the heart. That's when we talked about some of the romantic proposals we have come across [heard and seen not experienced] and i figured..why not make that the topic for the post of the day.So well here goes....

Story One:
Nichu's sister. Single,lovely, perky and a very successful IT professional in US for the last 5 years.Her fiance-to-be: A handsome, caring IT professional in US.On that lovely morning which was going to change their lives forever, he takes her out to see the new car he has bought. Surprise one, turns out that the car he bought was not for him..but for her..A steel black BMW car!!!!She is totally elated and speechless in the showroom. They are taken out for a test drive and 'chechi' is still not over the surprise of the brand new car she is going to be owning.Out comes a lovely little velvet box which held the most amazing diamond ring ever seen! She was proposed to,in her own,gifted BMW car with that gem.Though despite much persuasion she still refuses to disclose the speech he gave while presenting her with the ring.One sentence reply, if he was able to do all this..just know that the speech was not any less romantic! But me and nichu still believe that she was so taken away by all that was happening that she probably dint get to hear the speech well enough to remember it. All she must have heard was her own heart thumping away!

Just a little advice here though: When you come down to India to meet your relatives with a brand new glittering diamond ring on your finger,never simply put it across as 'Hey..i got a ring', unless you are prepared for the next question as 'Great..where did you get it from? How much did it cost?'. This piece of advice also comes from the lady of this episode.

Story Two:
Actually i cant write much here because i dont know how these two hit off.But i am still mentioning it since at one point of time,i was also involved in it.Yeah..this one is dedicated to my brother.During one of his visits home from his hostel, he walks into my room and tells me that he has won some prize coupon to get stuff from a gift shop and that he wants me to go help him spend it out. Now that's a favour which cannot be refused and i set out happily! I was still in my final year at school and i was glad of the excuse to run away from the board exam preparations!At the gift shop, i was randomly picking up whatever my teenage mind could find interesting and i sensed a little discomfort in my brother.Very slowly he approached me and put forth a request.[It was the month of february].One of his friend wants to get a gift for his lover and that he had assured him that he would be getting it.Now he wanted me to help him select it! Aaaah... little did my brother know that his kid sister was much smarter than he had taken her to be.Finally after much acting(which was just a way of probing to get more details about the girl!), we end up buying a gift. He is on his way back to the hostel.It was all i could do to wait for his next trip home to gather more information.[I was a pesky nosey little sister and very impatient too!].Finally with my investigation skills, i got all the information i needed, even the photo [;[).am smart aint i!].And this piece of information was not disclosed to anyone till the day my brother himself spoke to my parents about it...(which was almost 2 years later)Phew... boy..it was such a relief to let out that huge sigh!But like all love stories..they got married.. happily settled..and now expecting their first new member to the family! All through his courting days, i was secretly enjoying taunting him while he desperately tried to keep it a secret.

Simple ground rules:
1.Every lover will have some treasure hidden away. I was always being extra helpful to my brother by offering to empty out his bag and get his clothes neatly packed!I had no intentions of doing either..but it was fun watching him stop me from picking his bag and opening it.
2.I have absolutely no purpose in roaming around the house.I would have been much happier sitting in one place and reading a book.But in those days with no mobile phone and just fixed line connections, it was an added pleasure to make my presence felt in the room when he is desperately trying to catch up on a few words with her through the phone.

More ground rules will be shared later!

Story 3:
Nichu's cousin sister and the guy she had been dating for a while.They had been out on dinner's for many occassions and there was no reason for her to think that this dinner would be any different or special. So the dinner to BBQ Nation was just another casual outing for Tina. In the middle of the dinner,Orijith [AKA ori] presented her with a booklet tied with a ribbon.She was taken aback and little angry on having her nice dinner interrupted [come on..dinner is not the time to be reading books!]. Reluctantly she accepts the book and opens the ribbon and comes to the first page.It's a photo album filled with pictures taken right from the day-1 of their meeting.Each photo in it was special and Ori had made it even more special by adding his comments to each one of them. By the time she was near the end of the book, she was in near tears. But when she turned to the last page and read what was written there, she could not stop the tears from flowing!

Quoting : "All the pictures in there was to show what you mean to me and how our life will be together.There really is no other reason or way to tell you that i want to spend the rest of my life with you..will you marry me?" [Sighhh...Awwwwwwwwwww]

And tied to the edge of the last page in a red ribbon was the most amazing ring ever!.Even before Tina could finish her 'Yes'..out walks in their families applauding the new couple.It was one big family union and a very special moment for Tina and Ori.The fairy tale wedding took place shortly and the couple lives happily ....

By the time, we reached the end of this discussion, me and nichu were almost done with 'Awwwwwww'.

It's a pretty long post and if you are still reading this, i really thank you!
Maybe you dont need a creative proposal to invite someone to share the rest of your life with you,maybe all it takes is just one little gesture or word.But then again, like how me and nichu concluded our discussion..One has got to be really lucky and destined for it!
Else....everything is just a mirage....................

Confessions of a confused soul .......

Yeah.. you guessed it right..pretty much at my wits end and really really bored in the weekend. My roommate has gone to trivandrum for the weekend as her parents are celebrating their wedding anniversary today.So it's just me and hobbes at home. [For those of you who dont know..hobbes is our one year old cocker spaniel!].I think he has figured out that i am bored,since i gave him a one hour long bath yesterday and he absolutely hates me for it!

So what is it that people like to express in a blog? Is it all philosophical stuff?Emotional stuff? practical events?

I write when i am uncomfortable or bored or when i am confused or really elated.This is when my mind starts conjuring up all the weird possible words and phrases and the most illogical connections.Most people i know, remain quiet when they are uncomfortable.Me on the other hand, i blabber absolutely non stop. The only place where this has helped me is when i am facing a crowd and giving some presentation.

For all my college classmates,i am sure my final year seminar presentation is something they will never ever forget.The topic was 'Bit Torrents'[i guess it's not even spelled like this!]. And till date i have no clue as to what it means or does. A friend of mine helped in preparing the PPT's and all the other related documents. My only duty was to stand up on the dias and pull it off.On the D-day, i clambered to the platform which will decide my being an engineer or not[the presentation accounted for almost a 100 marks, if i am not wrong!], put on my most innocent and intelligent look and started off with my best accented english in full speed.All i knew is that,i wasnt the one speaking.The only thing i remember saying is a 'Good Morning' and somewhere half an hr later 'Any questions'.

Off started the techies of the class bombaring me with questions of which i could only understand the words how,why, where. The rest was all greek and latin to me!Now i was no longer embarrased or uncomfortable.I was just plain scared and now my mind refused to do the talking part. It had deserted me,leaving me all alone to take up the repurcursions of its half an hour speech (Traitor!!).The first three questions were somehow handled with my best possible demeanour, but for the next few questions which came up my way, i gave my worst looking glare [Which thankfully was missed by the professor who was sitting to rank me].Hilarious on seeing my state and feeling considerably sorry for me, my classmates decided to spare me from further agony and started off with the applauses.After the seminars for the day was over, a friend of mine came up to me and said 'I do hope that you realise that whatever you spoke there, was in no way related to your topic and that you have left us more confused than we were when you started off'.I gave my most sheepish grin and prayed profusely that the professor dint realise this.In the end, it did so happen that since my seminar was in the middle of 6 seminars, it was kinda not heard so seriously which is why i am an engineer today (I got good marks for the presentation!).

Moral of the story - If you can't convince them...confuse them!!!

This was 3 years ago and i have come a long way from there. Atleast,now i know that quality of words matter than the quantity spoken. But i guess somewhere i am still that confused umcomfortable girl who starts blaberring the minute she senses something amiss from the ordinary!This trait of mine has accounted for most of my friends laughing their lungs out...and putting me in the most sticky situations possible.. But what the heck...it's not me making them laugh..its my mind...!!

Thought for the day ......

If looks could kill, i have been dead a thousand times.........!
More than the spoken words, the unspoken actions confuse me!

Wrist watches or Watch wrists??

So,back with a bang ! Let me just say, was not in the mood to write and express anything for quite some days.But today's journey back from office, it was magical ! Had a late start in the evening from office, so the journey started off, with the sun all ready to bid farewell and a cool breeze flowing, with the added hint of a rain..magical would be an understatement.Added to it, i was listening to this one tamil song which has been caught in my mind for quite some time now.The magic of SPB's voice ringing in my ears from my mobile.. i am still not quite sure if i was singing out loud [i got a few weird looks from my colleagues in the bus when i got up to disembark from the bus!]. Totally taken away from the present. One of the few moments in my life when i loved the silence in my head and lived in the present. After this exhilarating experience, i have gotten into this mood to speak something out. ..so well here goes...

But write what..now that's a big question. Nature? Rain? Romance? Nope i am not the person to write about all those [:)]. I will only kill whatever magic rests in those words. So yes i will go for a topic which is going to pull me out of this enthralling feeling and get me back on my feet!

Hmmm.. this is going to be one ridiculous post...cause i am not getting anything sensible to write about! So i am going to dedicate this post to time. The time on my right wrist !

So what's the big deal if you wear your watch on your left wrist or the right? or dont wear one at all.This might seem impossible. For instance, my father is one person who can never do without a watch on his wrist. From the time i can remember, even before my father comes for breakfast, be it a holiday or a week day, his faithful titan watch is strapped onto his left wrist. And this is never taken off till he goes to sleep. I started off my journey with time,with my first digital watch [i just cant recall the brand name :(]. My first watch, black with a pink digital display,gifted to me when i was seven. [Though all these years with a watch by my side has done nothing to improve my punctuality!].Then,the many stints in my life with time, progressed with different brands and colors of watches. Gradually i realised that watches are an obsession with me. Till date, first few things i notice on people are their watch, shoes and finger nails ;).Trust me, they speak volumes about people [so far never been wrong there!].

Eventually, i wanted to be different in my watch craze and around the age of twelve, i started wearing my watch on my right wrist.Must admit,being a right handed person, i struggled quite a bit to get it strapped onto my wrist properly.But this was just for the intial few days. Till my college days, my fancy watches have been sincerely on my right wrist,until one day when a friend refused to talk to me cos of the watch in my right hand. Pretty disturbed, i asked her why it should bother her so and prompt came the reply that - people who wear watches on their right wrists are stubborn and arrogant and with an attitude.Now i was intrigued! Attitude, yes probably.Because what initially started off as a crazy fancy to be different and cool, over the years, built some kind of comerade-ship in me.When i see people who had watches in their right wrist, i felt a sense of oneness, a feeling of being out of the ordinary[;), indeed yes, i outgrew this,before long].But at that time, to pacify my friend i tried surviving with my watch in my left hand and it was the worst few days of my life i tell you ! I always believed that appearances and attire dosent make a person, but harsh lesson learnt...wrists and watches do!!!! Till date i could never find any logical explanation for it, but to cut short the story.My watch is back where it belongs - My right wrist!!!

And i dont know if a right wristed watch makes a person stubborn and arrogant or whether a left handed one makes a person cool and great.. all i know is .. i am happier with time in my right hand! And so leaving behind the obsession of wrists and watches and moving onto just watches...i live on !!!

AAhhh..feet finally back on ground.. Its 12:15 am on a friday morning and i am wide awake.. If i wasnt so scared of the dark, i would probably be out enjoying the downpour and the cool breeze..But for now i am trying to get a wink of sleep so that i dont end this week on a sleepy note... yawwnnnnnnn!

You call it attitude?

Then wait till you meet me !
I have an attitude and i know how to use it !!

In the Limelight

Yeah.. to the topic most widely talked about topic today.. Oscars !!!!
Was doing a research on it ... So india bags 6 this time !! The masters are at it again.
Sat down to make the above picture immediately. Heath Ledger.. I had a good mind to fly all the way and fire away at all the jury members had they not given the oscar to him !! One talented actor.. and i was pretty shocked on seeing that he was infact a very handsome young man[;)].But a sad ending.
The music genius 'A R Rahman', wonder how he gets all this creativity. My latest obsession-Slumdog's songs and Delhi 6 songs. Though must add, while slumdog qualified as the best ever movie, Delhi-6 has proved to an utter disappointment. The few good aspects of the movie are the songs,the song choreography and fcors Abhi!!!. I whiled my time away oogling at the fellah in the big screen because the story and the direction was really down in the dumps !! Had such high hopes on the movie [:(]. Loved abhi in the 'Gendaphool' song ! He looked very cool doing the head bangs!!! The best ever [:)]!!
Resul pookutty.. He comes from kerala. Really a proud moment ! Sorry no offence people, no distinction between kerala and india,but still,somewhere..deep down.. must say..just a teeny-weeny little bit !

All's well that ends well. Hearty congratulations to all the winners!

Kinda sad that Brad Pitt dint make it. Splendid previews of the movie. Next watch 'The curious case of Benjamin Button'.

And yes people, another must watch movie Wall-E. The cutest ever !! Loved it.

Irony or Destiny

I am the last person to be discussing anything of grave importance in my blog .I had intended this blog to be a place where i can share my experiences with a humorous perspective. Guess, in this society, it is totally unnatural to be quiet and not mention it when you see it happening all around you.

Inspiration for bringing out this serious side of me in my blog - http://vishshanker.sulekha.com/blog/post/2009/02/this-happened-in-bangalore-bengaluru-shocking.htm .
The above link had been forwaded to me by a friend and was the first mail i read when i returned to my seat after a scrumptious lunch. Must say, the food digested almost immediately and for the first time in my life, i could feel a rage in me which i never knew existed in me. And for the first time in my life, i have started seeing my country as what it does not deserve to be seen as, but sadly is perceived as, around the globe. I always had a curtain in front of my eyes and like any other indian with the basic comforts of life, refused to lift the curtain and see the pathetic state we are in.

Day in and day out, every image which passes my way are constant reminders of the degraded state we are in. Just a gentle walkthrough of one day in my life and i am sure all of you will agree with me.

7 AM -
After much rushing and struggling, i rush to catch my office shuttle which comes nearly half a km from my house. The minute i step out of my house, the first scene to catch my eye every day is that of a garbage collection trolley with around 4 to 6 bins stacked on it, around the corner. The first few times i saw it, i never gave it another look.But one day, something amidst the bins stirred and i presumed it was a stray dog ransacking the leftovers.But to my horror and shock, when i neared the trolley, i could see two human kids, one a girl, around 4 yrs of age and the other a baby hardly 6-8 months of age. I was frantic and it was a rush of many thoughts in my head .Were these kids abandoned? Are they just lost? what are they doing in a garbage collection trolley? While i was trying to sort out the situation in my head, i saw a lady dressed in the 'corporation uniform' approach with a fresh load of stacked bins and she just lifted the baby and kept the bin there. After much thinking, the only logical connection i could manage was that, she is the mother and since she dint want to leave the kids alone, she took them along while she attended to her work.After that, i see them everyday.The little girl has become familiar to the locality and instead of sitting in the trolley looking at her baby brother, she has started venturing out and exploring the area. A gentle smile is what i offer her and she reciprocates with her scared eyes and firmed mouth.

7:10 AM -
Finally i have managed to reach the designated place where i board my office shuttle. With still over 5 minutes for the bus to arrive, i stand to take in my morning surrounding. The same set of corporate employees waiting for their conveyance, the same employee clearing out and cleaning the vodafone office for the day's rush, the same cobbler setting up his stall. Everything was same, until that day, when we all heard a small voice shouting out 'Chaiii'. Almost immediately, every corporate head out there turned to look in the direction of the little voice. A young boy who looked hardly 7, carrying a big packet of paper cups and a huge flask, was running towards our direction. The little boy approached every single person there and repeatedly asked to buy a cup of coffee.All the heads which had turned in his direction, immediately became occupied in either tuning into whatever stations their mobile headfones could get or back to reading the morning newspaper. One gentleman, i saw, was starting up a conversation with the little kid and was buying the cup of tea [Which,by the way, cost only 3 rs a cup]. As the kid approached us, me and my friend, tried to talk to him in whatever little broken kannada we could manage. I guess he figured we would be interested in buying the tea and he was busy pouring out two cups,heedless of our 'Kanglish' questions. The earlier gentleman, seeing our struggle, came forward and was giving us the answers. He was 'Kamal', 9 years, attended school for a year[apparently sometime long ago], his father had passed away, his only family was his mother and younger sister. Mother was working as a household help somewhere and was recently taken ill. So little kamal was helping his mother in treating his mother's illness and his sister to attend school. Mornings and evenings he worked serving tea and the rest of the day, he apparently engaged in whatever odd jobs he could get. When asked what these odd jobs were, he replied in kannada and our friend translated it to mean that he worked in carrying loads at the flyover worksites or in any other construction site. Even with the cup of hot tea in my hand, i could barely control the chill which ran through me.
Glad to notice, that on almost every mornings after that, whether required or not, the bus-waiting employees buy one cup of tea from little kamal.

8:00 AM -
On the way to my office in whitefield, there is this one strech of road after the CMR institute of technology where the traffic is really blocked and every vehicle comes to a standstill for about 5-10 minutes around 8 in the morning. Alongside this road, there is this group of people who have set up some ayurvedic camp,a little distance away is a group of people who display their clay articles for sale,further away is a cluster of cane furniture kept for sale and still further are people running small shops which serve food. It was amidst the cane furnitures that i saw him for the first time. Head bent over in deep concentration, hands nimbly running in and out tying up the cane sticks to weave out a cane chair. Our bus was caught in traffic and i was admiring the way in which that small fingers was very deftly creating something very beautiful.It became almost a regular routine to see the little artist caught in some work or the other every morning. One morning it was a paper mache ganapthy that he was creating while the next day it was a lovely painting on a clay pot. On that unfortunate morning, while our bus was caught in the usual traffic in the usual place, i could see that our little artist dint have any creativity to be engaged in and since his mind was free, he was glancing at all the vehicles stuck in traffic. Slowly as i watched, i could see that his head was turned to his left and he was constantly staring at something. On following his glance, i could see that it was a white Honda Civic car with its black windows rolled up,which had caught his attention. The car had been parked in the side and the driver of the car was having breakfast at one of the small shops close by, while enjoying a chat with the other people around. The little boy slowly rose from his place and was moving towards the car. I could see him as he walked towards the car and stood by it admiring it. As he raised his hands to run his fingers over the magnificient car, out of nowhere, the driver and his accomplices who were eating,were by his side and hurling heavy blows on the little kid. Lot of shouting in kannada and more blows on the puny figure. As my bus started to move, the last i saw of the little artist, was a mud covered puny figure sprawled on the floor and a bunch of huge men bent over him. What was the mistake that the little boy did? That he was losing out on his childhood by working and earning a living? All the days i had seen him there, i had never seen any adult anywhere near his vicinity. While other boys his age went to school and played with expensive toy cars, was this kid deprived of even letting his talented fingers marvel another man's creation? His reward for the endless hours he spent creating all those marvelous artificats was to be pelted by people who dint know him for the artist that he was. Sad to say, from the next day onwards, i dint see anymore clay artificats lining the road or any cane chairs either. I cannot help but wonder of the little artist.

8 to 5 is the time i am in the cool comforts of my office and with like minded people, the time of the day when i forget the scenes of the mornings.
By the time i board my shuttle at 5 in the evening for the long journey back home, i prepare myself to savour the 1 and half hr of the day i get for myself.

It is around 6:15 when we reach the Sony world signal near koramangala. I am sure this is a very common sight for most people stuck in bangalore traffic. Small, petite,nimble figures with huge rings running in the traffic to find a little gap, where they can start their performance. While one kid branded with a 'Dholka' starts beating to some random tune, the other kid, usually a girl around 3-4 yrs of age, deftly displays her nimbleness by moving in and out of the ring. As soon as the traffic starts moving, these kids run in and out of the moving vehicles to see if anyone has taken pity on them and give them money. On one such incident, when i was about to hand out some money to the little girl, my friend gently reprimanded me and told me to keep the money back in. Instead she took out a packet of biscuits which she had and handed it out to the kid. Even though she dint mention it, i understood her gesture. These kids perform and get the money, but they hardly get a rupee's worth at the end of the day.

I am not proud of myself for being a witness to all these incidents. Nor am i happy about the fact that i couldn't do much to alter the lives of these little ones who unknowingly came to be a part of my life. But today i see that, not just kids, but every human out here is under the threat. Threat to be subordinate to someone else with money or power, threat of losing all your live's worth in a single act either by mother nature or the other forces around which rule us. No man makes his destiny. No man lives his life's worth. Is it just really so bad in our country? Even in the dire economic crisis in the world today, i see that atleast human life has value in other countries. It is only here that no life is valued, no voice is heard, no act is returned. It is just a mad rush for god-knows-what and to win a race of which no one is a part and the end is not known, nor is there a prize to be won at the end.

Red Day

Valentine's day, V-Day, day when the heart bleeds to express your love, the culmination of endless hours and money spent on getting the perfect gift to make sure that your loved one cannot refuse the proposal...This is valentine's day for all !

But do you know how this magical day came to be celebrated?

Apparently this day is celebrated in memory of St.Valentine. So how did a priest become responsible for young lovers to fall in love? Weird isnt it. .

Well, One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.According to this legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl — who may have been his jailor's daughter — who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure.

This is just one among the many legends which makes february the most romantic month of the year. Nevertheless, in today's era, how many of us actually remember this saint and decide to celebrate this day in his honor? From the time i can remember, this has been the day guys dreamt of, to show their friends that the girl of everyone's dreams actually heard out his proposal or for girls to bet with their friends that the cutest guy around would propose her first. [author's note - This is not from my personal experience. [;)] This is just what i have heard.]

To make things worse, we have activists claiming this celebration against the culture. So is getting 'engaged' against the culture? Dosen't indian culture allow two human beings to express their love for each other (I like to choose my words carefully to ensure that i have covered every aspect of life.Hence i quote 'two human beings' and not 'girl and a boy' [;) again]).

Well, i am definitely not the person to discuss grave issues. It is all i can do to get past my day, everyday. So i am not prolonging this post.

One more big red day passed. One more year older. And sob sob, all the roses and chocolates in the world seemed to have missed my address! The only male companion around for V-day was my puppy. And since he was being given a bath, he figured it was some special day and hence filled my day with his frantic barks and tantrums! So much for lovers day !!!!

But for all you young lovers out there...Live life king/queen size ! You neednt wait for a V-day or for some other saint to express his love, for you to let your love be known. Make every day a valentine's day.. Make it your day !! Romeo and Juliet became famous, salim and anarkali did too.. you never know.. someday you could make your names also world famous .Just one sincere suggestion though - Please make yourself famous with some romantic gestures.Till date i could never figure out how, consuming poison and killing oneself will make a romantic heroic couple [no offence to literature lovers.]I would have loved it if they had just eloped and lived happily ever after.

Enjoy life... Enjoy love.....!!

Ps: Me.. I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life today and i say 'Love ya all'!!!

If You Are Not The One..

If you’re not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with.

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me, then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me, then why do I dream of you as my life?

I don’t know why you’re so far away.
But I know that this much is true
we’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with.
And I wish that you could be the one I die with.
And I pray that you’re the one I build my home with.
I hope I love you all my life…………

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you, into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side.

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms........

-Daniel Bedingfield.
Mood for the day - Depressed [ :( ]

As I Mature..................

I have learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in!!

I have learned that no matter how much I care,
Some people are just assholes (Pardon the usage!)!!

I have learned that it takes years to build up trust,
And it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it!!

I have learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others.
They are more screwed up than you think!!

I have learned that you are responsible for what you do,
Unless you are a celebrity!!

I have learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a
relation is at first, the passion fades and there had
better be a lot of money to take its place!!

I have learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon
and all the less important ones just never go away!!

Life's Little Instruction Book

[ :-) ]

Got this in the mail.Since i was lazy to pen down my own version of this, i am pasting the mail contents. But it's a really cool one.The words are great :).

• Have a firm handshake.


• Look people in the eye.


• Sing in the shower.


• Own a great stereo system.


• If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.


• Keep secrets.


• Never give up on anybody.


• Miracles happen everyday.


• Always accept an outstretched hand.


• Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.


• Whistle.


• Avoid sarcastic remarks.


• Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.


• Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.


• Lend only those books you never care to see again.


• Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.


• When playing games with children, let them win.


• Give people a second chance, but not a third.


• Be romantic.


• Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.


• Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.


• Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.


• Be a good loser.


• Be a good winner.


• Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.


• When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.


• Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born..Keep it simple.


• Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.


• Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.


• Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets.


• Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.


• Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.


• Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.


• Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.


• Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.


• Begin each day with some of your favorite music.


• Once in a while, take the scenic route.


• Send a lot of Valentine cards.. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'


• Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.


• Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.


• Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.


• Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.


• Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.


• Become someone's hero.


• Marry only for love.


• Count your blessings.


• Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.


• Wave at the children on a school bus.


• Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.


• Don't expect life to be fair.
  

New Year Rings in..........!!!!!

"So what's your plan for new year?"

Ever been bombarded with this question almost like a month away from December 31'st? Why? Why is this a matter of life and death at the end of each year? And for heaven's sake, why would i decide what my plans for the entire year is just cause its the end of one year. I wish that, atleast, people would remember to add the word 'Eve' at the end of their question.Dosent it make more sense to ask 'So what's your plan for new year's eve'? And isn't that a much simpler question to answer than to try and chart out what might be a probable answer to a generic question regarding my plans for the entire year?[Pretty complex statement isnt it? ;) ].

I am not trying to extinguish this huge fireball of energy which has just sprung up in everyone, but honestly does it really matter so much for one year to end and for another to begin? And further more, given the scenario in today's world i dont really expect to see anything great in the coming year.In fact i am sad that a nice year is coming to an end and a more uncertain one is going to come in. Do i hear you ask me a 'Why'? Well, here's why..

All companies are dreading that fateful day when the previous year's performance results are read out .

The market is plunging right down like there is no end to the depth of the earth.
With Lay Off's becoming a common talk,i hear that people have come to dread the color pink [black is more in! Mourning is the feel for the day..everyday!].

Moving onto more general topics for more depression, as rightly observed by a friend of mine, we are in for a struggle next year.Banglore is facing a dire dearth of electricity.Being winter now, we still have close to 4 hrs of powercut every day despite being in the heart of the city. Want to bet for what's in store for the summer? Hotter burning days, no water, no electricity.One comfort would be to spend as much time as possible in office, in the cool airconditioned rooms and unlimited internet surfing.But who is giving the guarantee that one would still be having the claim to what's called 'Your place in office'? Pretty bleak isnt it?

Well, for a really optimist person, we decide to put all these disturbing facts at the back of our head and just head off to party away and welcome the new year with a blast. Are we spared there? Entry charges to most parties cost anywhere between 2500 to 8500 Rs for a couple for the night [Till 4500, food and drinks are not included].This much, for the same food and drinks we get to drink on any other day for less than half the price? As if this isnt enough, Seperate entry charges for male and female 'STAGS'.While a couple gets an entry for 4500 Rs,a male stag is charged around 3500-4000 and a female stag ends up paying somewhere close.So ultimately, one ends up paying a fortune for what isnt really worth it, with a hard realisation being thrown at the face that one more year has passed and you are still miserably single and lonely!!!!!!

Whatever's happened to 'Saving for a rainy day'?

I have pondered a lot over whether i should see the cup half empty or half full! Still confused and unable to decide. Any suggestion folks?

Inspiration for this post - Had logged in to my orkut account in the morning and what do i see in the 'Today's Fortune' section?

The guy who reads your fortune was fired. Until we hire a new guy, go visit a friend's album
Cool ain't it? [ ;) ].

So for all you folks out there.. Enjoy it while it lasts.Just change the reason for the partying ..Lets not party to welcome in a bleak and uncertain new year. ..Lets party for the wonderful year that we are leaving behind and thank it for all the lovely memories and people it gave us!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: The prices mentioned afore is just an assumed rounded off figure and is subject to change.

And yes, i am all set to party my new year's eve away!!! [ ;) ].....

Also, i am awfully sorry i could not upload the picture of the christmas tree in my room,as promised, solely cause i am unable to transfer it to my comp from the mobile as i lost the cable.For those of you who wish to see it, its saved in my mobile [ :) ].

Princess

Somehow, i have always been intrigued by the arab world. The stringent cultures, their total lack of respect for any other religion,the harsh rules and punishments, the apparent downtrodden state of women, the richness and wealth, their taste in architecture, all these somehow filled me with a strange mix of fancy and fear. Not being an ardent believer of any one religion or god [i firmly believe that there's just one universal power], from my very childhood i wanted to find out more about this undisclosing group of people. Its probably this trait of mine which has developed in me to read as much as possible about it. And read is exactly what i did. Any book which talks about the followers of prophet mohammad or their lives, i could never do without reading it. In fact, at one stage of my life i had become so obsessed about knowing more that i even contemplated heading off to Saudi Arabia [Since this is where we get find the most revered and firm believers in the preachings of prophet mohammad]. But this was solely delayed due to the fact that i dint have a passport and that i was just in tenth Standard. My father would have had a fit had i told him that i wanted to head off to Saudi Arabia after my tenth [ :) ]. I knew i would make it possible some day and i decided to save my father from the shock until then.

Hence my first trip to dubai was filled with anticipation. It was like my life's one of the biggest dream coming true. I was finally about to set foot in the land which had me so intrigued. Sad to say, i was filled with dismay on landing there since it was nothing similar to the image conjured up by my young mind from the age of fifteen. While one side of me rejoiced in seeing all the vast beauty and facilities dubai had to offer , a small part of me still longed to see the strict and reserved arab world. Each time my brother pointed out a house which was possibly occupied by some rich arab family, all the images i had in my mind from the many years of reading just ran in front of my eyes. How i longed to ring the bell and enter the 'forbidden door to non-muslims and foreigners', to see the life i had read so much about, to see the people i had unconsiously befriended, all the sultana's and mariam's and ali's and muhammad's. It is indeed strange that the human nature always loves to pursue what has been kept out of reach, what has been deeply guarded.

Of the many memorable places in dubai i visited, my favourite remains the traditional arab village we had visited 'The Hatta Heritage Village' and the desert tour. Walking through the traditional village, it was almost as if i could hear the voices of people who had spent their lives in the desert.The kids who had played unknowing of the harsh realities in the future, the women crouching in fear and meekly obeying the menfolk, the veils covering their face, the much despised 'Abaaya' [ Long black outer cloak] covering every inch of their skin from the eyes of everyone around, the sweet smell of 'Athar' casting a forbidden and tantalising aroma around them. [This is another of the many possessions i have preserved from my dubai trip, Athar. Even before i set foot in the land of my dreams, i had decided i wanted something of that land to take back with me, to rekindle the Arab world thoughts in me.And what's more good for it than the aroma of the Arab land itself - Athar. ]

Even after returning back home, my curiosity still managed to eat at the back of my head. So when i first laid my eyes on the book 'Princess' by Jean Sasson, i couldnt resist but plunge headlong into it. And i must say i came out shocked and shaken. Probably it might have been that my earlier collection of books had never mentioned anything about the Arab life is such detail or outlined the animosities in such detail. The book managed to leave me thinking. Thinking about all the many thoughts which had been in my memory for the last 10 or so years.
I suggest, the book - MUST READ. The author has managed to give such a vivid description of every incident in the Princess Sultana's life that you manage to feel the pain and the helplesness that she feels. It makes your heart pound and makes you want to scream out to every single person around you ---to let a woman live.

PS: If you are a feminist, highly likely that you end up firming your beliefs about it on reading this book.

Another book, which holds a very special place in my heart 'A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS'. It remains special to me cause i finished reading the book in the Oil rich Arab Land.
Nonetheless, my curiosity of the arab world has not reduced and i still want to make my trip to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia someday in my lifetime.

Next book i plan to read - Daughters of Arabia and Love in a Torn Land. Comments and reviews about it in a later post.

Role Models

Does the above statement bring out pictures of hot sensous females clad in the most fashionable clothes or men who look like carved out of marble but still breathes life? Well if it does, i am sorry but that wasn't the kind of models in a role i meant to dedicate this post to.This one goes out to all the wonderful people whom you so dearly love and want to be like. Hmm.. that description dosen't fit the title of this post either.. i had so badly wanted to look like Penelope Cruz and Sushmita sen and Diana..but somehow none of them instilled in me the desire to have my life followed in their footsteps.So to make more sense or rather to describe the essence contained in the title, i guess its better to read the rest of the post and understand for yourself.

All through our growing ages, we always awed over the multiple plastic faces and fancy characters created by some imaginative soul and shown to us in the general media. For me, my different role models over the years have been Tom (from tom and jerry), then Betty from the archies comics, George from Famous Five, the saucepan man from the Enid Blyton Series of The Faraway tree, malayalam actress shobana, revathi, then bollywood actress Madhuri and finally landed up at Diana.

But it was not until i left the cozy comforts of my home that i realised who my true role model is.The one person who gave the strength to move on, the wisdom to understand, the sense and sensibility to lead my life, to uphold the self respect bestowed upon me. The one person whose soft hands turned coarse in trying to ensure a softer and easier path for me in life.The one person whose glow in eyes i failed to see while we are around.The one who's every heart beats just for her beloved and loved ones... My mother. At every step, at every juncture in my life, i know the one person to approach if in doubt. From a very young age, both me and my brother had been given the freedom to choose our paths and carve our niche in this world. She firmly believed she had achieved in imparting the wisdom in us for us to make the right decisions.
If there is anything i want to be when i grow up..its to be you ..mom. To have your sense of judgement, your warmth in heart and most importantly the ability to instill in my children the same sense of freedom and judgement and wisdom that you have given us with such ease and confidence.

And if any of you feel that fathers are any less important... you got it wrong! Fathers have always provided the invisble strength to our mothers in moulding us to better persons. They have always been the unselfish people who would rather be behind the curtains and prompt the main actors to get their lines correct. They expect nothing in return for it either. No applauses, no cheers. All that matters is to see their children remain on stage for as long as possible in the limelight.

Here's a snippet i happened to come across. It really struck my heart with such a fierce force that for one minute i longed to be in the arms of my mother and father.To feel their loving embrace and the warmth of their love. To be able to see them just once more and tell them how important they are to me, how grateful i am to them for having given me everything in this world and for having made me what i am today...................

"Have you ever watched them sleep...
Have you ever watched your parents while they were asleep? Your father's body once big and strong but now the big is withered and the strong is weaker.Wisps of grey peek out from his hair, wrinkles now scar his forehead and face.
This man works very hard every day and would sacrifice anything to make sure his family is provided for and his children get the best education possible.
Or how about your mother, whose soft hands once cuddled and held you close when you were a baby?Now,those hands are dry and rough, bearingevidence of the challenges she faced just for us.This woman takes care of our daily needs, constantly nagging and scolding us because of her love for us.But sadly, we often misconstruct her love as control and unfairness.
I have never thought of watching my parents while they slept.I've watched my cousins sleep when they were babies, all round and cuddly and sweet smelling,But watch my parents...??
Right now i realised, my parents do not have to be asleep for me to realise that they have aged.Just looking at my mother walk tells me that her legs are not as strong as they were before.Or hearing her ask me for help with that flowerpot in the garden, the one she used to be able to push and drag around the garden without my help.Or watching my dad struggle with a bag of rice.
All these tells me that my parents are aging, just as i am ageing.But i am ageing towards my best years and become stronger, they are becoming weaker.They were once the caregivers and i the receiver,But now time has reversed our roles.
"

Vacation...humbug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope..dont get me wrong. I am not scrooge. I love vacations. I still havent been able to figure out how any human being could possibly think of a vacation as heart breaking. Unless ofcourse a vacation means being away from your loved ones or leaving behind something you really care for. Come to think of it, i guess the above two are the only probable reasons for anyone to shirk away from vacations.
But do you know what i hate about vacations. Being alone in a place while the rest of the world around you is out 'vacationing' [don't know if there is a word like this.If it isnt, dont fret.It will find its way to Deepthi's Oxford dictionary!]. Yeah so coming back to where we were,vacations spent alone and what could be more miserable than spending your vacation working away! Sob sob..i aint complaining because i had a choice and i could have opted for a vacation too.But unfortunately i had to take mine a few weeks before the onset of the actual vacation mood. Right now i am just back from an absolutely refreshing break, all recharged up and what do i see.All around me the christmas and new year cheer has spread and people are all set to head home and greet santa and the next year with no work in their mind. And i am left behind. All the recharging from the holidays just drain out of my body seeing this.

Hey..that gives me a good topic to write about..My wonder days vacationing while the rest of the world worked on. [and now i am working on while the rest of the world is vacationing!].
So for all you folks out there....Here's wishing you a very very merry christmas and a very very happy new year... much in advance!

The perfect picture to go along with this post is the picture of the christmas tree in my room.Will upload it very soon!!!!

Till then.............................................. bah! Humbug!!! :P [;)]

Neophyte again!

Back to being a neophyte again.New job,new place, new environments.Just when you think you are all set and ready,you realise that you are nowhere where you wanted to be.Thats just when you realise that a change is needed.Or probably, its when you feel you are all settled and nothing can possibly go wrong, that you have to leave behind everything you had taken for granted and step into an entirely new shoes.Well,like that,i wore the new pair of shoes and here i am,even though not intentionally,things kind of happened.. and yes..i have landed in bangalore. The happening bangalore or so i assumed. But i guess its only a happening place for those who can afford to make things happen. To the rest, its just a simple plain old mysore..except for the traffic...which is enough to drive anyone mad... even travel lovers like me! I am praying with all my might that before my stint in banglore is over..i dont end up hating travel. Its been my life's dream to make a trip all over the world. As of date, this dream has reduced to probably travelling only the important places in the world. I am keeping my fingers crossed. one year in bangalore has changed my 'world tour' plan to a 'Imp places in world tour'. I hope that in a year or two it dosent end up becoming a 'tour of my garden'. Well, more on that later. Those details definitely dont go under a topic named 'neophyte'. I have become a veteran in travel ;).
So yes, back to where we were before we got carried away by the bangalore vehicle crushes,to my new pair of shoes.It was a huge change. And what really mattered most to me was the fact that i am closer to a lot of people by being in bangalore and that all the people who mattered to me in mysore were also no longer around in mysore. Back to being amidst college friends and relatives and friends who have been there in my life for the last 10-11 years and an entirely amazing new work culture [no swipe-in and swipe-outs,no formals and free lunch!!! For all you software engineers out there, i am sure you realise what a difference these factors make to our work life ;)].

Its been almost a year since i relocated, i guess i should have written about it then.Somehow the long time gap has diminished the neophyte feel.Right now, the place, the house and the office all feels like i been here all my life.The 700 acre campus and the food courts and the multiplex and the park and the library and the mysore palace and all feels like memories of a distant past,like out of a previous birth. In its own sweet way, both places have managed to instill their magic in me. Seeing the mysore palace being lit up on sunday nights or seeing the entire mysore city by standing atop the nandi hills at 2 am in the morning in the chill cold of december or seeing the traffic lights always red in bangalore or the cluttered pedestrain filled roads of bangalore ..all these still manage to bring the same amount of emotions in me.The magic is never lost whether you are in the place or whether the place is a memory of what feels like a previous era. With each passing year, i remember with a heavy heart the one year that i am leaving behind. Each birthday has always reminded me that i am veteran of the last age and a neophyte to the new age that i am entering. Places change, people change, evrything around me might change... but i still get to be a neophyte every year...
More posts on my learnings as a veteran and my mistakes as a neophyte.Till then... always believe in beginner's luck... Neophyte's Serendipity!!!

My new abode

well..a real long break and i am back again. This time in a totally new world and an entirely new life awaitin me.. nope.i dint get married...thats not the new life i am entering. I have relocated!!!
My last two months at mysore had been the best days of my life there. Just when i had totally given up hope of even remotely having anything associated to fun there, life hit with the huge realisation of how interesting and fun it can be. Yup!! had a great time with this bunch of awesome people!. Midnight outings and treats and parties ... and meeting friends from college whom suddenly turned out to be great friends to be hanging out with..and still are.:)..thanks shiff...if you are reading this. It was great having you guys out there. And finally when i had believed there's nothing in mysore for me to miss.. my last day there made me realise what all i am going to be missing. My cute little independent house which i lovingly handed over to shiff for enjoying her days in mysore. My library there, my park, my owner's very well behaved doggy..and most of all...my friends there... the entire gang there. Yeah..the parting gift was a green stuffed froggy which was handed over to me at exactly midnight and i had to kiss it to see if it would turn into a
charming handsome prince [well well...so now u guys do know..i am indeed not married..sob..the froggy still remained a frog..and it stays majestically in the table in my room now]. Suddenly i realise i am going to miss being that crazy freak of a youngster and establish a new place for myself in an entirely new world and a new environment[which has turned out to be great too!More updates ont this in a later post.]
well ..all said and done.... guess the one thing miss most after moving out of mysore is ..guess what?...the multiplex in infy..... every weekend...amazin movies..that too at 50 bucks for two movies... sob sob..out here in bangalore one movie in a weekend costs me 250!!!
the infy multiplex made me a movie bluff..i was...but then this just enhanced the movie lover in me.. so now, a major part of my salary is spent in carrying forward this tradition of weekend movies inspite of the cost!...
Thanks guys!.. A toast to all of you for being a part of a very very memorable phase of my life.. my first job..my first independent life... its a long list of many 'first's' in my life...!!!

My Candle: Two

Yeah. u guessed it.. not just films are made in sequels..!! yup..so for those of u who are reading this post first..i suggest you go read the previous post if you want to make sense of what's written here.. and for the others who have read the previous post and stil reading this..i love ur guts!!!

A really long time i know, but had quite a few things to take care of, loads happening in my life.I know it dosent make sense saying that i dint get the time to write 10 words but trust me when i say that i meant it.

A simple oath before i proceed on with this one: All my other posts had the usage of corrupted english language with 'u' replacing 'you' and so forth. I realised it dosen't really emphasis anything for the post nor does it help my english, henceforth i, Deepthi Rajagopal, hereby solemly decline the usage of the 'chat english' and to strictly adhere to the pure english norms.

With that, moving onto my most favourite teacher of all times: Vishalam Teacher.For most of you from St Thomas school or Holy Angels school in Trivandrum, this will be a familiar name.It's been years since she retired but i am sure her name is still fondly remembered by one and all.

She was my Physics tuition teacher for tenth grade. It so happened that she was my Dad's relative and when we got together for a family get-together, the talk of teaching came up and my folks felt that i really needed the push to get that subject into my head(I really hated that subject!!!).Well so back again to tuition rooms. I was the only student, so maam gave the flexibility to come for it whenever i wanted to.Her house was at a walking distance from our apartment complex and unknowingly i started enjoying the brisk walks in the evenings on alternate days in a week. And more than ever i started enjoying going for the classes.Let alone the fact that she used to feed my hungry mouth with mouth watering bakery items and fruits, she made me open my eyes to the world around me.We talked about a lot of general things in the world and invaribly she managed to associate all of those with physics i needed to pass my exams. Right outside her house was a school for the blind. Evenings, when we sat by the large door sized windows, she always made it a point to make sure that the blinds were pulled when it was time for the students to head home.Seeing the anxious parents waiting for their children and seeing the kids walk out escorted with stick in hand and expressing their joy on realising that they have made it right into the arms of their mothers was a sight worth watching. In that silent moment of realisation, me and maam watched with fluttering hearts the kids actions. Her unsaid words when she looked at my face after that was 'Realise how lucky you are..Make the most of it.' She always encouraged me to achieve something in life cause we were the lukcy few blessed ones who had no shortcomings and could afford to do something for the world to make it a better place.Sadly, even though i wanted to heed her words, i fell into the regular line of people who study to earn a living and busy themselves in trying to make their lives better. I have ended up as an ordinary software engineer with nothing in my name other than a salary account and loads of work..work such that some other rich person gets richer!Well time is still young and i will definetly make my contribution to this world maam..the way you wanted your students to.


As i write this post, my eyes fill with tears and my heart goes out for this brave teacher who has spread such a circle of light in my life none other can ever tread or even try to lessen, when i see her suffer from the physical beast which has engulfed her. The maam i used to see standing by her doorstep to welcome me with a brightly lit smile is now trying to give that smile even when the cancer is slowly spreading through her body and the pain trying to overcome the smile.I have never felt so bad in my life the way i felt when i went to meet her two months ago and see her all weak and tired. I have never in my life prayed so profusely to god about anything else the way i prayed that he rids her of the pain she is suffering from and to give back my lively enchanting maam.. Inspite of all her illness she kept claiming she wanted to take tuition and have the kids around her despite the fact that she could barely manage to sit up and talk. For the first time in my life i envied the kids who are lucky to be having tuitions from her now and i wished i could still be in my tenth grade.. but at the same time i pitied the kids for what they were missing.. the real teacher..the real guide..the real light.. i felt lucky to be among the privilaged few who had the good fortune of being her student when she was her vibrant self..

'I salute you o lovely candle for all the light and warmth you spread in my life.. i shall preserve these till the day i bid farewell to this world.. you laid the path for me to tread my life.. you showed me what it is to be human.. you made me realise all the good fortune that god had blessed me with.. you made me realise how lucky i was to be born the way i am.. Thank you maam...You are always there in my heart and my prayers...

My Candle: One

You know what's the best description of a candle that i have come across? It's this one:

"A candle burns itself out while giving light to others" and do you what else fascinates me about this one phrase? Its the fact that this one applies to more than a candle and u know what that is? guess....... no clue? keep guessin.....still no luck..ok here goes.. a teacher.. aint that the most beautiful thought ever for a teacher??well this post of mine is dedicated to all the candles who marked a circle of light in my life in their own sweet way. ok ok ..i know not every teacher gets the credit of being a candle in our life..i am not generalising anything.. i can talk on my life experience..aww come on... i am done with schools and colleges for this lifetime so i am eligible for voicing my opinions and coming to conclusions.




My teacher at kindergarten. Usha maam at TVS school madurai.. i just have a faint memory of her.. but i dont know what..but i still can never forget her name or the fact that i really adored her.. i was hardly 3 or 4 years of age when i was in her class..i cant even really remember her face.. but shes been one of the few teachers i have always adored in my life...



Now to school...teachers at school.. mmm i never gave them more thought.. they were never burning themselves to give me light..they were burning to get themselves paid.. atleast i never came across a teacher i wanted so badly to be like..until i had the good fortune of having omana teacher teaching me..

coming from tamilnadu i was hopeless at malayalam..cudnt even write a single word of it. i had taken hindi at my previous schools in TN so the realisation that i had to learn malayalam and actually take exams in it to pass to my next grades was pretty shocking for me and even more shockin for my folks who were totally lost when it comes to teachin me..my mother tried her hand in teachin me but it always ended in me and her fightin and me gettin my head banged with watever she cud get in her hands.. and since my father adored me to be his "papa"(meanin baby in tamil)..he decided to refrain from tryin to teach me so that v wud still b sharing the loving bond.. well so moral of story.. need tuition for malayalam.. in 3'rd std(can u blive that???) i was so against it..i mean come on..i was hardly 8 yrs of age..and to be spending one or two hrs in another class after comin back from school while the rest of my friends enjoyed their evenings was too much for my lil mind.

Many persuaions later and after badly flunkin all the malayalam papers in my 3rd grade and with the threat that unless i clear malayalam for my final exams i wud b detained in the same grade i put down my ego and conceeded to have my freedom for two hours given up. We were in an apartment complex with like five floors in all and each floor having 10 houses ..pretty huge i know.. :).. Omana teacher was in the fifth floor.. on my first day i dragged myself to the house..tuk the stairs from the second floor..delaying myself that much more..reached my destination.. promised to get this over with asap and rang the bell.. aunty's maid opens the door.. i have seen aunty once or twice before.. a quiet spoken lady with the face of an angel.. she was teachin in a local school.. and i always wondered what she was like with her students..was she the angel she luked like or was she different.. well well i told myself that i wud find out very soon... her maid tells me aunty is in the kitchen and that i can go sit in the room.. off i push myself to go and seat myself obediently in a chair by the side of a huge table filled with books and papers and pens and pencils and inkpot and rulers and cane chairs in the side of the room.

More voices..i turn around.. who else.. but my friends in the apartment itself. two of them.. i was overjoyed..so they come here too..they are as surprised seeing me there as i was to see them..three 8 yrs meeting in a tuition place.. u can imagine.. the guy amongst us shows us how he learnt to make a paper robot that day in class.. v were watchin him make it when in walked our next tuition mate..a student from aunty's school..a chubby guy with big huge specs.. i was the stransger there for him..the other two promptly introduced me to him.. at tht moment aunty walks in..shes happy to see that v have all made friends with each other..i was takin out my books to start learnin... in walks aunty's maid with four big glasses of steamin hot drinks and cookies in a plate.. man..i was never this glad.. she starts teachin..v start eating. but i learnt more that day than i have learnt in my school the whole year..

she was the most interestin teacher i have ever come across... the most patient teacher.. she understood us kids..she encouraged us in our classes.. yet she managed to get across the subject..i started loving malayalam.. i started loving the way she narrated the malayalam poems we had in our textbooks..even today i can recite the poem of a caterpillar which turned into a beautiful butterfly and flew out..poem in page 13 of std 3 malayalam textbook. CBSE board. Days passed...aunty's house was like our heaven for us.. v used to go to her kitchen..she always had something or the other pickled in salt..it was a delicacy for us..to date whenever i see a salt pickled mango or 'lovelolika' i think of u aunty.. my classes with u.. the poems..the essays.. the speeches. the fun.. the smile on ur face.We were too young .. she knew it.. she became our age to teach us..

and for the finale.. i scored full marks for my final exams in malayalam.. filmi ending.i know.. but true.. from that day i loved the language and i realised how one teacher can change a student's like or dislike for somethin.